She shouldn’t be confused at all, I should want her to think I don’t like her. I’ve avoided all women for the past year, the last thing I want is to feel like even more of a fucked-up cripple. I can’t do half of the things I used to do before that goddamn bomb; it won’t take long for any woman to get tired of waiting for me or get bored because of all the things I can’t do.
Felix rubs his nose against my neck and pushes my hat off my head and then gloats about it with his head nods. Fuckinghorse. I stop what I’m doing and turn to look at him. He looks at me back. I can see the humor in his eyes, his head is still, almost like he’s daring me to do anything.
I want to be irritated with him. I really do. But I can’t stop the smile that breaks across my face, causing him to lift his head and huff at me. He’s like an ornery fucking human.
Leaning the broom against the stall, I grab a lead and go into his stall to hook him. He follows me out to the paddock, and I take the lead off so he can stretch his legs. His mama, Gray’s horse Frost, is already out, and she lifts her head to see what we’re doing.
She’s twenty years old now, and she’s showing her age. Felix walks over to her and playfully nips her neck, and she swings her head in his direction and shifts her ears, telling him to leave her alone.
Resting my arm on the fence, I lean and watch them. Frost gets her name from her coat, it’s cream-colored and shiny like frost in the early morning sun. Just like Nora’s skin is the color of cream and soft as silk. When I saw her flinch the other night, I needed to make sure she hadn’t burned herself on my account.
Now I can’t get the memory of her slim wrist in my hand out of my head. I felt things I shouldn’t have felt, just with that one touch. The most important thing I felt was… alive. Some of the emptiness drained away, making me feel like I wasn’t a fucked-up husk of myself.
I didn’t want to let go.
I’ve got to stop thinking about her.
Lifting my ball cap off my head by the bill, I scrub my fingers through my hair and shake my head like I might be able to shake her out. A beautiful woman like that doesn’t want a man who can’t run, can’t stand for long periods without having to rest, cranky as fuck, has nightmares almost every night, and forced into therapy to make sure he doesn’t want to off himself.
I’m the last thing she wants.
Boots clomping on the floor of the stable get my attention, and I turn to see Mason step out into the paddock. He and Dad were working in the hayloft today, and he’s covered in hay and sweat.
He stops next to me. “How’s she doing today?” Tipping his head at Frost.
“She’s short. Felix tried to play with her, but she ran him off.”
Mason slides his hands in his pockets, his eyes on Frost. “If she doesn’t perk up in the next week, we’ll need to call Breanna out.”
Our youngest sister opened a large animal emergency hospital in Owasso a couple of years ago. She takes care of all our animals. When Lainey Rai’s dog, Wilson, got sick last year, she had to put him to sleep. He’d been around since Breanna was a kid, it nearly killed her and Lainey Rai, but there isn’t anyone we trust more to take care of our animals.
He turns to me, squinting his eyes in the sun. “Me and Jax are taking the girls out to Stony’s for dinner tonight. Kinley and Rhys are going to meet us there, you wanna come?”
I can’t say I wasn’t already arguing with myself about going to Stony’s tonight. The pull I feel to go see her is so strong it’s pissing me off; it’s exactly the reason I shouldn’t go.
“Come on, you never go anywhere with us anymore. We want you to go.” The pleading in his voice tips the scales, and I nod my head.
He smiles and bumps his shoulder against mine. “Kinley and Marley are gonna be real happy you’re there.”
I hope I don’t regret this.
Since it’s Saturday night, the pub is busy, and the jukebox is playing loud. Nearly all the stools at the bar are taken, and there are just a couple of tables left, close to the front, that we can scoot together to fit all of us.
With all the kids at home, the girls don’t get to go out much. Gray and Elly stayed home with Dad to take care of all them with Lainey Rai.
As we sit around the tables, I take the chair that allows me to see the door and the room, and I look around for a familiar redhead as I get comfortable. It doesn’t take long to find her, she’s taking care of the tables in the back area where I usually sit.
When Trudy walks toward our table, I suppress the groan that tries to work its way up my chest. Her blue eyes shoot lasers at me as she stops between Mason and Jax’s chairs. “Tuck.” Her terse greeting is her way of making sure everyone at the table knows we have history.
The woman fucking loves drama. It’s only one of the reasons I ran for the hills.
I don’t say anything, but I also don’t look away. She won’t get the upper hand in a fucking ridiculous bid to silently brow-beat me in front of my family. Kinley is sitting next to me, and in my periphery, I see her roll her lips together to suppress her laugh.
Trudy narrows her eyes as she slices them in Kinley’s direction, which pisses me off. She doesn’t get to be a bitch to my sister. “Are you going to take our order or not?” I bark the question with force, and her eyes flick back to me, her face is tight, but I don’t give a shit. Don’t start nothin’ and there won’t be nothin’.
After she takes our order, she flips her long blond hair over her shoulder and sashays away. Marley watches her for a moment before she turns to me and covers her smile with her fingers. “You left quite an impression.”
A group of guys at the bar break into loud laughter, and we all turn to look in that direction. They’re toasting a big guy in the center of their group while making groom jokes about a ball and chain as they lift shots in the air.
