He sighs. “Fine.” He hops off the couch and my eyes bug out. “What?”
“I didn’t know you’d jump right up.”
His lips thin into a straight line, and I throw my hands up. “Sorry. Go on.”
He walks toward her bed, shaking his head.
I drum my fingers on my thigh, watching the clock on the wall tick. Minute after minute passes by. Feels like he’s beenback there forever. Are they having a therapy session? I didn’t actually think she’d talk to him.
Just as I’m about to get up and march back there, Penn sits down. We still haven’t had “the talk” yet and I know it must be eating at him. I’ve avoided it because I don’t like lying to his face, it’s hard. He stares into your goddamn soul until he finds the truth.
After my arrest and shit blew up, he let me have my space. He’s been waiting for me to come to him. I usually do when I need something, but there’s nothing he can do for me this time.
Idon’t even know what it is I need. Maybe just to get off this bus and away from Ellie and all these damn feelings. When she’s gone, she’s all I think about. I’m agitated, restless. Anxious, wondering what she’s doing. When she’s near, she invades all my senses and she doesn’t even realize it. I feel at ease, but I also can’t think straight. I go from one extreme to the next. She’s just as fucking addicting as this goddamn Adderall, except I want Ellie in my system. I’d welcome her into my veins. She’s the high I don’t ever wanna come down from. And that just pisses me off.
“How you holding up?” Penn asks.
My brow arches in question, and he stares back at me. I blink, and so does he. Then both his brows lift, a smirk twitching the corner of his mouth. I growl, and his smirk turns into a smug smile. Dick.
“If you’re referring to the female on the bus, I’m fine. Peachy, actually.” I glance at the clock again, it’s been eight minutes. What are they talking about?
“I wasn’t referring to that. Damn, you make everything about her, don’t you?”
My head whips to him. “Like hell I do. I only assumed because it’s new.”
“It’s not new. She was on the bus for weeks.”
“Well, then she wasn’t. So it’s new again.”
“You can’t talk circles around me, and you know it.”
I scrub my hand across my face, facial hair pricking my palm. I can’t remember the last time I shaved. Or, fuck, the last time I messed with my hair. Damn, do I still look good?
“I’ve given you time, but eventually you have to talk to me.”
“Why? I thought we settled everything. I’m good.” My eyes drift away from him when I say it. I get nauseous when I lie to him.
“We knew touring was going to be rough. But you said you could handle it.”
My jaw ticks. “I can. Iamhandling it.”
“I hope that’s true. You remember what happened to Davis.” My shoulders go rigid. Of course I remember. It’s been like five or six years now. When I don’t respond, he continues. “Dude thought he could casually take Adderall, but it backfired, didn’t it? He got addicted even though he swore he wasn’t. Then he went straight to meth, and what happened?”
My teeth grind together.
“Fucking blew himself up cooking that shit. And who found him? His girl. Eight months pregnant, and had to deal with the aftermath.” Penn shakes his head, and my gut churns. Yeah, that was fucked up. But I’m not going to start smoking meth. Not to mention, I haven’t gotten anyone pregnant. That poor girl. I hope she got therapy.
I really do have it under control. I’ll stop soon. “Yeah, I remember,” I grit. How could I forget? We’d known Davis since seventh grade. Super cool guy who came to all of our backyard gigs and always brought us beer and pizza.
“I don’t want to see that happen to my best friend.” His voice is so serious I have to turn and face him. His eyes are hard, but the fear is there, too, and I swallow bile I’m sure is going to come up.
“It’s not going to,” I assure him.
Laughter from the back of the bus breaks our staring contest.
It’s been twelve minutes now. What the shit is so funny?
I clap a hand on Penn’s shoulder and squeeze, then head back there to find out for myself.
