“Hell yeah. You know I never liked traveling.”
“Yeah, but that was when Pacey was...” I trail off, glancing at him. I expect him to be scowling, but his attention is on the white popcorn ceiling. He used to hate being farther than two hours from his mom in case something happened with his sister, but things are better now.
“I still hate it. I like being home,” he says simply. His eyes meet mine. “And you?”
“I don’t know.” I shift on the bed, feeling itchy. “I miss sleeping in a normal-sized bed.”
Before he can question me more, his phone pings, relieving me of the pressure of his gaze. His thumbs workacross his screen, and I go back to my show, but I start to get antsy. I’m fucking bored, dying to get up and move. There’s nothing to clean in here, and tidying the bus more will only earn me weird looks. No one’s on there right now, but I don’t have a key, so I’d have to ask Calvin or Tanner for it. Then make up an excuse that’s just going to lead to more questions.
They all watch me like a damn hawk now. My skin is constantly crawling from their stares. I don’t know what they want from me. I ignore the cleaning list Tanner made, I get shit. I go above and beyond and clean the bus so fucking good you could lick peanut butter off the floors, and I get more shit.
So what if I stumbled over some lyrics once. One time in all these years? I’m golden. The crowd still loved it. I don’t even think they noticed.
I glance over at Penn. He’s Facetiming with Liv now. I swear I don’t know what they talk about, it’s like they never run out of shit to say to each other. He needs to save some of that for when he gets home.
I pick up my own phone, twiddling it between my thumbs. Can’t have a conversation with my best friend because he’s too busy being boyfriend of the year over there. Clicking my text thread with Ellie, I stare at the messages I’ve sent that she’s ignored.
Travis:
hey
Travis:
I’m bored..
Travis:
I heard there was a good donut shop a few blocks from the venue. Wanna go with me?
I thought for sure that one would’ve gotten me something, but no. She read it instantly, then nothing. I considered goingfor spite. Ordering every donut on the menu and sending her a picture of me swimming in them just to grind her gears.
Travis:
May…
My thumbs hover over the letters. I-M- S-O-R-R-Y. But shit, I’m tired of being on trial all the time. I can’t do anything right in anyone’s eyes. I’m running myself ragged. Burning the candle at both ends, just trying to keep my eyes open. Give me a break.
Travis:
When’s our next media thing?
Ellie:
Three days. 1pm.
Of fucking course she answers that. I growl, slamming my phone down, and Penn shoots me a look. I ignore him and go back to my documentary. Animals never let you down. When I get home, I’m getting a dog. Well, probably not a dog, they’re a lot of responsibility. Maybe I’ll get a fish.
35
TRAVIS
“Whose idea wasit to play this impromptu show anyhow?” I ask, staring at the bar from the bus window.
“It’ll be great publicity,” Calvin answers.
I’m tired. Why do we keep adding shit to our to-do list?
“It’ll be fun, buddy.” Liam claps a hand on my shoulder, leaning over and following my gaze. It’s a small bar in an unsuspecting area on the outskirts of downtown Philly. Looks the same as all the places we’ve played at home, which is making me...feel things.
