“I…I didn’t say that,” he says, looking around nervously. “This has to be the last time. Make them last you. I don’t think you can afford rehab, can you?” He laughs a little, like he meant it as a joke. I don’t find it funny. I shoot him a glare that tells him as much. “Ok, I’ll call my guy tomorrow. See what I can do. It might take a few days. We’re going to be on the road again.”
“I don’t have a few days. Figure it out,” I say, sliding out of the seat and walking off the bus.
I crack my neck,rolling over and trying to get comfortable, but I want to crawl out of my skin. It’s been five days since my stash ran out. Calvin swears he’s working on it and promises to have more before our next show tomorrow night, but this sucks.
I don’t have a problem, I just hate being tired. I didn’t realize how good it would be to not feel that way. Now I’m back to being exhausted, and on top of that, I’m irritable. I slept the last two days, but I’m not rested. I have barely moved out of my bunk. Just long enough to keep everyone off my ass.
Playing like this has been awful. I’m slow. My fingers act like they don’t even know how to play a string anymore. And everyone has noticed. They think I’ve caught some sort ofbug, so they’ve left me alone the past two days, and thank fuck for that.
“Hey, man,” Penn says, ripping away the curtain that’s hiding me. I grunt in response. “I brought you some tea.”
My head lifts off the bed. He stands there with a mug of steaming liquid. I blink. “Tea? Am I the queen now?”
He gives me an unimpressed look. “Thought it might help.”
I laugh. Yeah fucking right. This has Ellie written all over it. My stomach twists at the thought.
Damn, Ellie.
I haven’t spoken a word to her since she slammed her hotel door in my face last week. When she sees me, she simply stares right through me. I’ve been so caught up in my shit, I haven’t figured out how to fix it.
“It’s for gut health or something. I think, fuck, I don’t know. Just take it,” he says, annoyed, thrusting the mug my way. I snatch it from him, spilling some on my hand and immediately hissing from the burn.
Without another word, he turns on his heel and leaves.
“Tell Ellie I said thanks!” I call to his back.
“Tell her yourself!”
I take a sip of the drink, then wince. Shit, that’s bad. This is for gut health? Tastes like hot piss. Fighting the urge to vomit, I place the cup in my cubby built into the wall above my bed and slide my phone out of my pocket.
Travis:
Thanks for the tea. It’s delicious.
The dots appear, then disappear. I wait, but when it’s clear she’s not going to respond, I drop my head to the bed and close my eyes.
29
ELLIE
“I cannot waitto be home. Laundry is a fucking hassle on the road,” I complain to my sister, Hayden. Growing up she hated when everyone teased her about her “boy name.” She doesn’t mind now. Like her big sis, she gives no fucks. Plus, my parents gave me the honor of naming her and she loves me. That’s right, at the ripe age of three, I was awarded the privilege. And since I’d wanted a brother, that’s what she got.
“I’m sure it is. I’d happily trade finals for a visit to the laundry mat after amazing concerts.” Hayden is at her desk, leaned over fashion magazines, as per usual. Her long blonde hair is splayed over her eyes as she studies the content furiously. My sister is completely obsessed with fashion and about to graduate from Parsons School of Design. It’s why I have impeccable style. We have similar bodies, and I’ve borrowed her clothes more often than not. Slapping my leather jacket over them for my own touch.
“I wish you were here, too.” I rush around the room, throwing clothes into my laundry bag. There’s a laundromat two blocks away, so I’m taking advantage. It’s been too longsince I’ve worn underwear. I’d rather buy new ones than wash them, to be honest, but I’m also running out of clean work outfits. I’d buy those new, too, if I had room to store everything.
I’ve been on the crew bus for over a week. It’s not bad. Smells a bit, because no one is a psycho like Tanner, who demands everyone take turns cleaning. It used to annoy me, but now I see why he did it, and I miss it.
“Ellie bug!” my mom coos, snagging my attention. My parents pop on the screen, both leaning over my sister’s hunched shoulders to get into the frame.
A smile beams across my lips. “Hi!” My parents and I keep in touch regularly—we’re all very close—and we visit each other often. Always have since I left for college, but sometimes I’m still hit with that familiar homesick ache in the pit of my stomach.
I love my life and Rhode Island is my home now, but I miss them. Their unwavering support paved the way for me to end up here. On tour with one of my favorite bands. They never pushed me in any one direction, always giving me the freedom to choose my own path.
“How’s everything going?” my dad asks.
I snag the last article of clothing I need and shove it into my bag. “Awful. It’s laundry day.” My lip curls with dread.
