“I mean, yeah, but I just don’t have the time to make a connection. I’m always so busy, and when I’m not, I’m tired.”I used to give myself three dates to see if I vibed with someone in a physical way. And I used that rule lightly. If there was an instant attraction, the rule was easily forgotten. I wasn’t one to deny myself a good time. I still feel that way, but no one is sparking anything in me anymore. Though it’s hard to deny the way my body lit up like a Christmas tree when Travis and I were wrestling in the bathroom on the bus the other day. Who am I kidding? I’m great at being in denial.
Sometimes I see what Liv has—a stable and supportive relationship—and wonder what that would be like. Having someone to come home to, a forever dancing partner. A permanent dick to suck—that could be fun. Then I remember what a crushed-up heart feels like, and the thoughts pass.
Travis and I had a bit of a whirlwind friends-with-benefits situation, and that’s the closest I’ve come to dating since I was in high school. I was willing to be exclusive with him—only in the bedroom—but it was clear from his response that wasn’t what he wanted. And by response, I mean crickets. He didn’t respond at all. Instead, opting to forget I existed, even if only briefly. I’d never admit it out loud, but it hurt.
“Well, don’t worry, I’ll be there soon, and we can cuddle. I know that’s not offering much, but it’s all I’ve got,” she says.
“I would love to cuddle, it’s been too long.” I fake a smile, hoping she doesn’t see through it. I know she means well. I also know there’s not a chance in hell Penn is going to let her out of his sight while she’s here.
12
TRAVIS
“I thinkyou guys should get outside today. The weather is beautiful and there’s a lot to see here,” Ellie suggests as she sits crossed-legged on the floor of the bus.
We just made it to Washington DC late last night, and we’re here for a whole thirty-four hours before we up and leave again. So far, we’ve successfully stayed on the bus and done zero touristy things. We’re either too tired or not in one place long enough to do anything worth losing sleep over. When we have time to kill, we’re too zapped to decide what we should do, so we end up doing nothing.
Plus, more people are starting to recognize us. We’re not Guns N' Roses or anything, but there are a few fans who have their eyes peeled when they know we’re coming to town. It doesn’t bother me as much, but Penn and Tanner would rather claw their eyeballs out than be social. As the lead singer, I’m the most sought-after. I’m not being arrogant, that’s just facts. However, there are a select few who seek out the two unavailable members of Loose Threads. They get shut down like a flash of lightning.
“I don’t know.” Liam yawns.
“There’s restaurants, a lake, shops. So many options.”
Penn lets out a disgruntled sound, making his lack of enthusiasm known.
Ellie isn’t deterred. She continues to scroll on her phone. “Oh! Look, there’s a zoo five minutes away, with free admission!” She gasps excitedly. My interest piques, and I sit up straighter. Her eyes flick right to me, a little grin splitting her lips. “Smithsonian’s National Zoo!”
Penn—my best buddy—sighs heavily, knowing this is something I’d want to do. “Fine.”
“I’ll book our passes right now,” she says.
I’m internally squealing like a kid on Christmas, but I keep my face impassive. A zoo? Sign me up. If I hadn’t fallen in love with music and realized my voice was as sweet as an angel’s, I probably would’ve ended up working with the big cats or something.
Ellie watches me carefully, eyes narrowing in suspicion, waiting for my reaction. My lip twitches; I’m fighting it. She rolls her eyes, laughing, knowing me a little more than I’d like.
It takes us less than ten minutes to get ready. The only thing we did was grab sunglasses and hats, trying to be as incognito as possible, per Tanner’s nagging.
“What should we see first? Let’s make a plan,” Ellie says, as we walk through the parking lot to the gate.
“I’m going straight for the reptiles. They have an alligator snapping turtle I’m dying to see.” I can no longer contain my excitement, so I’m not even gonna try. I wasn’t fooling anyone anyway.
Ellie pulls out her phone. “Let me get a picture of you guys in front of the sign before we go in. This will be good content.”
We all groan, shuffling together to pose for her photo.
“Perfect. Let’s go.” She struts ahead, leaving us no choice but to follow. We’d be lost if Ellie weren’t with us on this tour.Calvin does a lot, but Ellie has her hand in so many different jars. She’s like the mother hen, keeping us in line without being overbearing. She’s stern and has just the right amount of spunk to deal with us. We like her, but we’re also a little afraid of her.
We hit up the Reptile Center so I can see the snapping turtle—who was just as badass as I thought—then make our way around the zoo. I’m soaking up every animal as Ellie trails along taking pictures of us. I’m not sure she’s even seeing the beauty around her. She’s been so focused on getting good shots for social media. A beautiful peacock just strutted past her, and she didn’t even flinch. Too busy staring at our dumb asses.
“Stop that,” I say when she lifts her phone again.
“What?”
“Put that away and enjoy the moment.” I place my hand on her phone, gently pushing it down until she relents and tucks it in her purse. “Look around.” Her eyes slowly pan around, lighting up when they land on the birds behind us. The peacock fans his tail, and she gasps at the stunning display of color. “It’s train-rattling,” I tell her.
Her brows furrow as she watches the animal shake its tail rapidly, the iridescent ocelli becoming more mesmerizing, matching the vibrating sounds it’s making. Soothing, almost like playing a string on my guitar.
“Stunning,” she says in awe.
