“Are you coming?” Ellie’s voice has my eyes opening. She’s in bed now, blanket tucked at her waist. Her tits nice and high and barely covered by her scrappy “pajamas.”
I wish I was coming.
I crawl next to her. She turns over, flipping the lamp off and pushing her ass into my space. Swallowing a groan, I grab one of my pillows and lay it over my crotch as a barrier. It’s a flimsy-ass barrier. My cock could tear through this cheap fluff if she so much as looked at me the right way.
She peeks over her shoulder. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
I stare up at the ceiling, thinking calming thoughts. It’s a tip I read online to help me fall asleep, especially when acraving starts to hit. One’s hitting right now. Not for drugs. For Ellie.
And it’s not the first time, either.
“Hey, Trav,” she whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
I stiffen, muscles turning rigid as my heart begins beating wildly out of rhythm.
I don’t say anything. What’s there to say? What’s she proud of? I got fucked up nearly every night of this tour, started taking pills, got arrested, made her think I was dyingtwice, and let my bandmates and fans down.
“They’re proud of you, too.”
I swallow, eyes drifting to her. Her back is to me, and it’s dark, so I can only make out her form. A heavy weight settles in my gut. I want to yell, tell her I’m a fuckup, and that’s nothing to be proud of. Tell her she should run far away from me because I’ll probably always be this way. I’m trying to be better, but addicts almost always relapse, right? I did.
Even my parents stay thousands of miles away from me.
“Thanks,” I manage.
Sleep doesn’t come easily after that. My mind was too busy wondering what Ellie could possibly see in me other than sex. Our chemistry is off the charts. I’ve known that since I met her, but what would make her wantmorewith me?
I didn’t think I cared to know. I was willing to give it a shot. She’s invaded my head this entire tour. Before that, too, if I’m completely honest. I thought it was our proximity and undeniable attraction to each other, but it’s more than that. It’s the way she’s always taking care of me. I assumed that was because she was getting paid, but she wasn’t getting paid to snoop through my shit and follow me around like a private investigator trying to solve a mystery. To watch me sleep on more than one occasion to make sure I didn’t die. The wayshe has my back, yet isn’t afraid to give me shit when I’m wrong. The way she fangirls over my band.
I stare at her in the dark. I don’t know how I got here—letting myself fall for Ellieagain.
This time I don’t want to run. I won’t run.
I sure as hell don’t deserve her. Maybe one day I could.
58
TRAVIS
Ellie was up bright-eyedand hot as fuck at eight this morning for my hearing. She was surprised as shit to find me already awake and ready.
She sat in the back in her pin-striped skirt and matching jacket, looking like a hot-as-sin librarian. Her hair was slicked back into one of those tight buns, and bright red lipstick colored her plump lips.
And like she said, everything was over quickly. The only thing I said was “sorry” to Mr. Pissy Leg. Damn right he was there. He looked pissed that I wasn’t cuffed and thrown behind bars. He acts like I fucked his daughter or something. So what, you got some pee on you? I don’t have a disease.
All in all, I got off easy, thanks to Ellie’s dad’s lawyer friend. Just a small fine and fifty hours of community service, which I’m allowed to do in my own community. I’ve already set it up to start when I get back—at the animal shelter. That won’t feel like work. Might see if they’ll let me volunteer at the zoo, too. Feed the big cats or play with the sloths.
“Oh my,” Ellie says as we step into the hotel lobby. It’sdecorated top to bottom with flowers and balloons. Soft music plays from somewhere, and the place is packed with women wearing white, hustling around with brochures and champagne. One nearly dumps her whole glass on me as she walks backward.
“Oopsie!” She giggles, but then she gasps, her eyes going wide as they rake over me.
Fuck yeah, I look good. I always do, but me in a suit? Pft, ravishing. I know because Ellie hasn’t stopped staring at me. Her pupils dilated at the sight of me this morning when I stepped out of the bathroom.
