My lips move to her cheeks, kissing away her tears.
“I’ll take my time torturing you. Don’t push me,” she threatens.
A grin slips out despite the ache in my core. I’d expect nothing less and I’d enjoy every second of it.
It has takenme another three days to get my voice back to normal. It’s still a little raspier than usual, but it’s hardly noticeable when I sing. I missed two shows and hated every goddamn second.
Witnessing Ellie’s tears the other morning was the worst moment of my life. I’ll never be able to erase the image. The strongest fucking girl, nah,person, I know, and I made her cry. That will stick with me longer than the shitty withdrawal feelings.
When the bus rolls up to the venue for tomorrow night’s show, we all step off to stretch our legs and get some food. Ellie checks into her hotel and I roam the streets alone, taking in the sights, which are mostly hotels, bars, and restaurants. I stay out, soaking up the fresh air, taking in the bustling city around me.
My head feels more clear than it ever has. I was close to losing everything a few nights ago. Maybe I wasn’t on the verge of having a heart attack like I’d first thought, but it was a possibility. I’ve been taking this whole experience for granted. I’m living my dream and haven’t slowed down to appreciate it. Not anymore.
I start to pass by a CVS, but then remember I haven’t messed with my hair in a minute. It’s getting longer, the sides growing out more like a fauxhawk now. The pink Ellie put in a few weeks ago has already started to fade. I need a touch-up. Maybe I’ll go back to blue.
I grab a can of the spray-on color. We have a packed schedule tomorrow—media stuff, sound check, and meet and greets. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else.
Placing the can on the counter, I take out my wallet. Something pink catches my eye near the register. It’s abracelet, like a little girl’s bracelet that her mom wouldn’t let her buy, so she laid it here last minute. I pick it up, studying it. It has pastel-colored beads and a small, round charm. I can’t tell what it is, so I turn it over, and when I do, I chuckle.
It’s a donut. A little pink one with sprinkles. Without a second thought, I drop it on the counter.
It’s perfect for Ellie—girly and fun. I still haven’t given her the keychain I had made. I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for. I know she saw it when she went through my wallet.
When I make it back to the venue we’re playing at tomorrow, I stand out front, staring. It’s huge, definitely the biggest one we’ve played so far. I think it fits like five thousand people or something.
I slide my phone from my pocket and snap a picture. I rarely do that. Ellie keeps all of our photos and videos in a shared album for us. If I want to see, I usually check Instagram. Before I can wonder what I’m doing, I send the picture to the group chat with my parents. There hasn’t been any activity in months, pretty much since we’ve been on tour. They’re not big on texting.
I wait, only for a moment. The read receipt shows and then…nothing. Sighing, I climb on the bus.
52
ELLIE
I’mup before my alarm. We have a busy day, and I already feel behind. I take a quick shower and throw on one of my favorite pantsuits. It’s all burgundy with high-waisted pants, and the top is a little vest that shows off a sliver of cleavage and a tiny bit of stomach. Sexy but not too much.
The matching jacket goes on next, then I quickly dry my hair. A quick dab of makeup on my lashes, cheeks, and lips, and I’m ready to go. Thankful for the distraction of my to-do list. The last week has been emotional to say the least. Letting Travis wipe my tears away wasn’t my finest moment. I’d rather swear off donuts for a year than let a man get me down. I mean, maybe. A year is a long time. But it’s almost a relief. It feels like a barrier breached between us. Maybe we can get through the rest of this tour without ripping each other’s heads off and our hearts intact.
I head next door to the café to order a muffin and coffee. I have a few minutes before I need to meet with the guys, so I’m going to check another task off my list.
Dropping my breakfast on the table, I open my messages. Liam’s brother, Seth, confirmed he’d be at the show. Liv haseverything set up for Katie. That means all that’s left to do is convince Travis’s parents. I had to get their number from Penn because my internet sleuthing wasn’t successful. He didn’t even ask what it was for, thank goodness, but I’d already concocted a lie in case he did. The same lie I told Travis, hoping he never followed up on the “meet the band” segment I’m not doing.
Sipping my coffee only makes me more jittery. I’m nervous. I don’t normally get nervous, but what if they say no? I’m afraid of what I might say.Why do you suck? I hope an alligator bites your finger off.
I shake the bad juju from my head and hitcall.
It rings and rings, my heart pounding harder the longer it does. When the call goes to voicemail, my shoulders slump. I use my best customer service voice and leave an extra sweet andvaguemessage asking them to please return my call.
My feet are aching,and it’s not even show time yet. I’ve run around all day making sure everything went smoothly for the guys. They breezed through the interview they had and seemed to really hit it off with the hosts. There was even talk of having them on their podcast once they’re home.
After that, I had to run interference with the merch vendors because they only had one area set up. One! In a place this size. That’s unheard of. There are always multiple merch stands. That’s something Calvin should’ve dealt with, but if I left everything up to him, half this shit wouldn’t get done.
And once I was in the trenches with vendors, I kept getting pulled in every direction by venue managers and staff asking me a million questions that, once again, should’vebeen for Calvin. I don’t mind it. I want everything perfect, but I haven’t had a minute to sit down or eat since this morning.
My phone pings from my back pocket, and I use it as an excuse to exit the venue for the first time since I arrived. It’s a beautiful 65-degree day, and a minute in the sun will give me the serotonin boost I need to keep going.
Travis:
Where are you? We got food
