“What if we posted it?” she exclaims.
“Huh?”
“We could post it to your page and make people pay more for special access!”
I frown at her. “I don’t want that.”
“Why not?” she demands to know.
“Why doyouwant it?” I push. “This seems like something Sister Annie would douse with holy water.”
She flinches. But then she breathes in, slow and steady, like she’s trying something on.
“Sister Annie is tired,” she says quietly. “She’s been tired for a long time. And she’s not wrong, she just… never lets me want anything.”
I stay quiet. Let her speak.
“She thinks she’s protecting me,” Annie goes on, staring out the windshield. “Every bad decision I’ve ever made, she shows up after like the fucking angel of regret. No sex, no shame, no ridiculous ideas allowed. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t think I know what I’m doing with my own life. She thinks I should be ashamed of everything I’ve done. And maybe for a while, and maybe for some things, she was right. I didn’t. But…”
Her voice falters. Then steadies.
“I don’t think this is a mistake. It’s fun.”
I swallow hard.
Annie glances over, eyes sharp but vulnerable. “You know what’s different? I don’t want to post a sex tape to blow my lifeup or get someone back or prove I’m hot. I just… You make me feel?—”
There’s a beat of silence. The kind that hums in your spine.
“Maybe Sister Annie needs to die,” she finally says, not finishing the rest of that damn sentence, even if I’m dying to hear it. “Because real Annie wants to live a little.”
I grin, deciding to let it go for now. “You want to make a sex tapeanda point.”
She flashes a smile, crooked and reckless and soft. “Exactly.”
I let out a low whistle. “You’re wild.”
“I’m getting better,” she says, too quickly. “And maybe it’s not a bad thing.”
I reach across the console, hook my pinky through hers. “Yeah,” I murmur. “I’m trying to, too.”
She grins down at our hands. “So… we post it?”
I laugh, loud and startled, because of course she circles right back to insanity. “Annie. I’m not ready.”
“Fine,” she says. “I’ll wait.” She drums on the door with her fingers. “Why don’t you show your face or tell anyone who you are or use your real voice?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
Annie shakes her head.
“Well… a bunch of reasons,” I admit. “Didn’t want to lose my PhD or postdoc spot, although that’s over in a month. Didn’t want my mom knowing that I paid her bills by showing my dick for money. And I guess… It’s just embarrassing. I mean, I’m embarrassed.” I shrug. “Plenty of adult entertainers own it. I don’t.”
“So no one knows?” Annie is incredulous.
“Except for you.”
“Except for me,” she breathes. “Not your sister, best friends, exes? No one?”
