“Ma.”
“You took care of your family. That’s what a man does.”
“But I wasn’t honest.”
“Well, now you are.”
I clear my throat to try to rid it of the sudden onset of thorns. I attempt the question that’s been keeping me up for years. “Do you think Dad would’ve been okay with this?” my voice cracks out.
She’s silent for a long moment. “Baby,” she finally says, her voice trembling with emotion. “Honey, Daddy died proud of you, so I think at this point we can consider it a permanent sentiment.”
“But—”
“And I know, I fuckin’know,” she continues, voice still wavering, “that if there is such a thing as heaven, he’s throwin’ a fuckin’ party and dancin’ bachata with Jesus and all his buddies up there, drinkin’ Nebbiolo and havin’ it catered by whatever shitty Italian restaurant they may have, celebrating everything you’ve done to take care of us.”
The tears are flowing freely now. “Okay,” I say after a swallow.
Something in me settles, a weighted blanket of peace.
Her voice softens. “But that girl—Annie. If she’s the one who helped you believe in more than just surviving… then you better fix it.”
I wipe my face and exhale. “I don’t know if I can.”
She pauses. “Nico, your whole life, you’ve been taking care of me. Putting yourself last. I had no freakin’ idea you didn’t go to the best program in the country so you could be home with me. That must’ve been hard as hell. This is the first time I’ve everheard you talk like you wanted something for yourself. Don’t throw that away just because it’s hard.”
I swallow.
“She still loves you,” she says, certain.
“How do you know?”
“Because you still love her,” she says. “And no one, not one fuckin’ person on this planet, loves my son halfway.”
“She hasn’t said anything.”
“She doesn’t owe you that yet,” Izzy tells me.
I nod. “I know.”
“She hasn’t taken your sweatshirt off, though. It smells kind of rank.”
A spark, from deep inside my gut.
“Try something big.”
I open the document on my laptop. No more hiding. No more shame.
The truth.
THIRTY-FOUR
Annie
From: [email protected]
Chef wants last min change to the introduction and now it looks crazy can you pls fix it
