“Frankie went on a text-to-speech deep dive on Wikipedia whenOn & Oncame on. Could you imagine if Erykah Badu were your doula?” he asks in wonder.
I put him on speaker so I can quickly search this on my phone, scrolling through articles. “Wow. This Vogue article says that one of the first lessons Badu teaches her clients is ‘how to dismiss guilt.’”
“I need this advice. Tell me more,” he says over speakerphone.
In the kitchen, I see my mom turn towards the disembodied hot male voice, frowning at my phone.
“She says that—and I’m rephrasing here—as human beings, we often carry guilt, whether it’s feeling like we don’t know enough, don’t have enough, or simply aren’t enough. But by gradually shedding those layers of guilt, a parent can find greater ease in every aspect of his or her life—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and at their very core.”
There is a beat of silence.
“Are you okay over there?” I laugh.
“Just absorbing. And in awe.”
I take him off speaker. “Are you feeling lots of guilt throughout parenthood?”
“I think that if you looked up ‘parenthood’ in a thesaurus, the first synonym that would populate would be ‘guilt.’ Followed closely by ‘you’re doing it wrong.’”
I bark a laugh. “You know, something I’ve always told parents is that parenting is only hard for good parents.”
There is another beat of silence, followed by, “I also think that if I followed the path to enlightenment, I’d find you and Erykah Badu at the end.”
“I feel honored to hold any sort of distinction with Erykah Badu.”
“What’s your week looking like?” Dom asks, after a chuckle. “Do you have to go in tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I have to report all week. I guess I’m in charge of everything Back to School related. I think the superintendent will be coming in to meet me tomorrow to go over some things, but I’m probably going to have to do everything.”
“I told you that I’m annoyed for you, right?”
I ponder this statement, wondering what about the wording makes it feel like he’s on my side. “I really like that you say that you’re annoyed for me, instead of saying something that implies you know better than me, or what’s good for me. Like ‘you shouldn’t be doing that,’ or something.”
He hums. “Well, you obviously know already. I don’t need to tell you that. You’re doing it because you feel you need to, and because you’re a good leader and you know what’s required to run a school effectively. Why would I presume to know better than you? I know nothing about running a school.”
I am filled with warmth for the third time today. I am the sun.
“You’ll be in the building, right? Can I bring you lunch some time this week? Frankie’s at camp all week. I can probably take a lunch break one day.”
We simultaneously have the same realization.
“Or you could come over,” he says quickly.
“Or I could come over,” I say at the exact same time.
The rumbly growl laugh that comes over the phone makes me feel very upset that I am currently on my mom’s couch and a few feet away from her. “Well, that’s definitely happening. As many times as possible,” he says. “But also, I should probably come into the building so we can plan some of the Back to School events for families together.”
“Right.”
“I’m happy to take it on myself, but I’d love your input on things that have been successful in the past.”
“Is there a reason we can’t do that in your bed?” I whisper.
“Lina!” Mai yells from the kitchen. “Will you please take this upstairs?”
Dom chuckles. “Is that your mom?”
“Yes,” I grumble.
