“That was last night,” I say, allowing myself to push in onecentimeter, just one, just the tip, just to feel… before pulling out and rolling over and reaching for a condom. “I wasn’t sure if the consent parameters extended into this morning,” I add on, before rolling it on me and reclaiming my position behind her.
“I’m being clear and explicit now when I tell you that the consent parameters extend to however long we—” This turns into an extended moan when I push in.
I savor the slow slide, this feeling of heaven, of morning intimacy. I’ve learned her nipples are extra sensitive, so I play with them idly, while I thrust in and out like I’ve got nowhere to be.
“I could get used to this,” I say in my head, or maybe out loud, about this lazy, Sunday morning sex that I haven’t had in years. “This rules,” I say next, definitely out loud, definitely by accident, definitely like a total and complete dweeb.
Luckily, Lina laughs while rolling her body, languid movements, her hand reaching around to run up the skin of my thigh, my ass.
We spend the next several minutes like this, laughing and whispering and moving slowly, in no rush. I run my hands through her hair, across her stomach, roll her nipples, rub small, leisurely circles into her clit.
I do this until Lina gets all insatiable and ferocious, which honestly works for me because my stamina is still not where it should be and I’m minutes from coming, anyway.
She shoves me to my back and climbs on top, using and riding my dick like a goddess, her hair a mess and tits bouncing, grinding her clit into my pelvis, and I pray to the sea gods that she comes before I do. They hear my plea seconds later. I explode to the feeling of her spasming around me, of the sight of her head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, neck elongated, and really, who needs coffee?
I decide to take for myself though, when I hold her against me and force her to make out with me for a pretty long time afterwards, just wanting to feel her tongue and her skin and her hair under my hands.
We fall asleep again.
I open my eyes, realize her face is inches from mine. Her eyes fly open, and they’re golden in the dim morning light. I think it’s still early based on the angle of the sun. She smiles, and I’m shocked speechless at how beautiful she looks like this.
“Can we have the what-happens-next talk?” I blurt out pathetically, ruining the moment.
Her smiles grows wider. “I’m going to guess you don’t like the idea of ‘seeing where this goes’ or ‘just having fun.’”
“I would love that,” I admit, “but I can’t.”
She traces the design of the tattoos on my chest with the tip of a fingernail. “Explain,” she asks gently.
I decide to go for utter honesty, to not play any games and pretend like I haven’t been thinking about this week. “It wouldn’t be fair to Frankie. Starting next week, you’re going to be seeing her all the time, every day, so this has already moved past the ‘casual’ phase whether we like it or not. We can’t ‘just be fucking’ or be ‘no strings attached’ or whatever. That’ll be too confusing for her. I feel like there’s no middle ground. Either we’re together and trying, or not.”
Lina follows the design up to my shoulder. “And you’re too busy being a ‘business operator’ to waste time just fucking around.”
I take her hand and curl it into my chest. “I don’t have time, Lina. I’m so busy, like you are, and I spend every waking moment I’m not working with Frankie, or doing things for Frankie. It wouldn’t be fair. But I know how much that is, how much that could be for you, how it’s asking a lot,” I say reluctantly, trying like hell to sound apologetic. I take a deep breath for this next part. “I also don’t want that, to just be fucking around, because I actually really like you, and Frankie really likes you, and you’re really good with her, and last night and this morning felt deeper than just sex, and I’m willing to try for something real and deep and meaningful,” I ramble like a fucking idiot.
She snuggles into me, into my chest, and I squeeze her tight, but I can tell something is up by the look on her face.
“What do you think?” I whisper into her ear.
“I’m conflicted,” she says after a moment. “I want that with you, too. I want to try, because I like you and I like Frankie, and you’re wonderful and it feels like we could be a good match and you might be really good for me. And I feel this way after knowing you for what, a week? Because I think we’re just that compatible, because there is real chemistry here. But I’m afraid for lots of other reasons, too.”
I nod, because I think I know what she’s going to say.
“I’m wary because I don’t know how I’d fit into your life. It’s like I’m not just starting a relationship… I’m joining a family. And I’m so busy, and you’re so busy. And I just got out of the shittiest relationship of my life, and I’ve been trying to do things for me, and trying to find myself or whatever, which sounds so stupid but something I think I need to do. And joining a family is the last thing I should be doing.”
I nod, trying like hell to be a vision of understanding and acceptance, determined not to hold all those completely valid reasons against her, but I feel my arms loosening because I feel fucking wrecked inside.It’s going to be like this forever, isn’t it? Scaring women away because of my intensely complicated life?
“I also feel like that’s not fair to you,” she adds on with a whisper. “Because you were so upfront and clear and explicit with what you wanted before we even started anything, and you said it over and over again, and I feel like I maybe forced you or tricked you into having sex with me?—”
I turn her head towards me, kiss her lips. “All those other feelings are valid except that one. I’m a grown ass adult, I’m responsible for my own actions, and this was reciprocal decision making, okay? You didn’t trick me into anything, even if you’re the horniest person alive. I wanted you. Badly.”
She looks at me. “Okay,” she trusts.
I peel myself away from her body and roll onto my back to look at the ceiling. I don’t want to push, but I’m also thinking about what she said when she demanded I take for myself. Does that apply to this situation? Am I going to fight for this? Is this really a good idea? Does this make me selfish, this whole taking for myself? What about Frankie?
But then I think of Pirate Plunder, and the bedtime stories, and Frankie passed out on Lina’s chest in front of the fire. And I decide that maybe I can do this. If Lina’s willing.
I make one last attempt.
