He turns to look at me, and I’m a little surprised. His green eyes are dull. Flat. Devoid of the sparkle usually reserved for me.
I move closer to him, my knees touching his thighs. I hold his face in one of my hands, but he tears away, clenching his fists, putting inches between us, the reaction tearing me apart.
But I don’t let it deter me. “You’ve taught me how to stand up for myself, Elias. To make sure that people see me. To have confidence, even if I’m faking it. I think you’ve been doing that in little ways my entire life.” I take a deep breath. “I need to tell you this. I can’t do the friends with benefits thing anymore, Elias, because I love?—”
“Stop,” he says suddenly, cutting off my impending declaration. He’s not looking at me anymore.
My mouth snaps shut.
“I think that you got way too caught up in this, Meems.” My heart sinks, face starting to get hot. I cringe at the fucking nickname. “I was very clear with you when we started this. This was just sex. And I think that you’re confusing lust and infatuation and all that shit with actual feelings?—”
“Are you… gaslighting me?” I whisper, outraged, unbelieving. “Will you fucking look at me?” I ask, louder this time.
He does, and his eyes haven’t changed. He looks at me blankly. “You’re confusing what this is because we’ve known each other forever. I love you, too, Meems—” my heart rate jumps “—but I love you like a sister. The sex was just sex, and I’m sorry you got attached,” he says, dismissing me and not sounding like he’s sorry at all.
I stare at him, at his Adam’s apple bob when he swallows, feeling like someone’s reached into my throat and yanked my intestines out. “Are you fucking serious right now?” I don’t recognize my voice.
“Relax, Meems?—”
I stand up, wanting or needing someone more, ready to rage and kick and scream and shake him. “I just told you that I’m fucking in love with you after being together and fucking cuddling and sleeping together in the same bed every single night for the last two, fucking three months, and you tell me torelax?! That you love me like asister?!”
“That’s my fault,” he says blandly. “I do love you like a sister. Your older brother is my best friend in the whole world. It’s time we stopped this. I shouldn’t have stayed over so many times. It blurred the lines, made it confusing?—”
“Stayed… What?! Leo?! Are we back to this? Why the fuck are you doing this, Elias?” I hiss at him. “This was more than that. I know you know it was much more than that.”
He shrugs.
“What happened?” I whisper. “What’s happening?”
“What do you mean?”
“You stood up to my family for me. You made me do it myself. You couldn’t keep your fucking hands off me. You acted like I wasyours. Like youloved me, too.”
His hand twitches at his side. There is a small flicker of something in his eyes, but it’s gone so fast that I’m not sure it was there in the first place. “That wasn’t real.”
I’m pacing now. “I don’t believe you. If I brought a guy home right now, if I brought Adam home, you wouldn’t be upset? This was truly always just sex for you?”
“That was the point of all of this, Meems. For you to become a man-eater. For you to become just like me. Why would I be upset?” he replies. He stands up to go. “Listen, I’m really beat after today. I’m gonna go put my stuff away and pass out.”
I gape after him like a fish, not believing, my chest heavy.Insignificant… second best…that’s all I hear a snarling Elias saying in my head.
“Needless to say, I think the lessons are over,” he throws over his shoulder on the way out of the room, a nonchalant add-on, in the way someone would sayby the way, there’s food in the fridge for you. “I’m sorry, again, Meems.”
I let him walk away.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Elias
Whatever.It’s for the best. This is who I am, anyway, apparently.
TWENTY-NINE
Mia
“You look sexy as fuck,”he tells me, the wrong color eyes roving up and down my body possessively. I’m the number one blonde for him now. I’m wearing the heels. I’m wearing the dress. I got it dry cleaned just for this.
I grin the grin. “Thanks,” I tell Adam, dragging him by the hand towards the fancy cocktail bar Leo wants us all to gather at on Friday night.
