I sigh. “I just wanted to apologize for letting you down, but I want to tell you face-to-face and not through a closed door. Can I please come in?”
I leave after a full minute of waiting.
SIX
Mia
I am feelingpetty as hell, but that’s not why I don’t answer the door.
I don’t answer the door for a few reasons. One, I am butt-ass naked. Two, I have my laptop open next to me on the bed, showing porn on mute. Three, I have two fingers stuffed in my vagina. Four, my other hand is holding a vibrator to my clit. Five, this is all happening on top of my covers, in full view of the door.
The movement that Elias hears is me trying, as quickly and as silently as possible, to finagle my laptop, body, and vibrator under the covers. All while praying to all the deities in the universe that he does not fucking barge through that door.
And all the deities must hear me, or pity my dry spell, at the very least, because Elias walks away, his heavy footsteps fading as they move down the hallway. I let out the breath I’d been holding. What a day for Elias to learn manners.
Listen, I’m very pissed at the two of them, Leo and Elias. I’m sick and tired of over twenty years of Leo-and-Elias versus me. I’m sick of being dismissed. By my family, by random dudes at the bar.
I’m also desperately horny. Two years is a long time, too.
So I searched around my favorite porn site for a slender, dark-haired man absolutely destroying a tiny blonde woman. And I found it and was very much enjoying it until Elias knocked on my door. For the first time in five years.
Sighing, I pad over to my door and lock it. I get back into bed and lay on the covers, staring up at the ceiling.
What am I going to do? I have several problems I need taking care of. My vagina is one of them. But before I can help her out, I need to know what todo. And I’m no longer going to get that from Elias.
Let me think about this logically. Let me approach this like I would any lesson or instruction. In order to get better at something, I’d ideally need some teaching first, but then I need opportunities to practice. Since I’m not going to get any instruction, maybe I should just skip right to the practice. And maybe I could just get some guided practice from another friend. Mondays are always tough, but Tuesday is a weekday, so I’d be following the advice that Elias gave me about going out when everyone has work the next day. I just need to do it. I need to put myself out there. I roll over and grab my phone to text my friend Andrea.
what are you doing Tuesday night?
it’s a school night.
Translation: I’m going to bed at nine thirty, maybe nine p.m.
want to go out and hunt for men with me? We can go early, like at happy hour, when they all get out of work. We’ll be home by bedtime
does this mean I have to go into the city on a school night
you live literally one stop away from downtown. But I’m thinking of staying in bk for more of the hot dirty hipster trust fund vibes instead of midtown finance bro vibes.
Sold.
Yessss, my vagina thanks me.
Next, I search for previous posts on a NYC specific forum about where to find single men, and I surprisingly find several. I scroll through the options, deciding to head to this craft beer bar in Greenpoint. I send Andrea the address, telling her seven o’clock.
What do I wear??
Andrea types for a while.
classy sexy brooklyn
wtf does that mean
not trashy spandex. Knits. Silks. tasteful crop tops. tight but not too tight.
I think about it. I think I have those things.
hair? makeup?
