“She might actually be the worst,” I cut in.
“—but my kids this year are really great.” Her entire being brightens up. “There’s Sean, who’s a teddy bear, and Kyle, who’s a big lovable weirdo?—”
“Isn’t that the kid who always has his hands down his pants?” I cut in.
“Yes, but we’re working on it,” she says happily. “There’s Amaya, who’s really fucking smart, and?—”
“Okay,” Leo laughs, “you don’t need to go through your entire roster.”
“She would, if you let her,” I chime in. Mia beams at me, and I feel a little piece of me die.
“Elias tells me you two are heading off to New Orleans this week.”
She nods. “Yeah. I’m going to do a bunch oflearning,” she says, giving me the most unsubtle wink in the universe.
Leo frowns. “What was that for?”
I freeze.
“What was what for?” Mia blinks at her brother.
“The wink you just gave Elias,” he says.
“What wink I just gave Elias?”
“Meems.”
“Yes?”
Leo turns to me, and I start shoveling eggs into my mouth. “What’s going on?” he asks me.
“Elias is helping me get laid,” Mia decides to chime in from my left.
Fortunately, an egg takes that opportunity to get caught at the top of my windpipe, so I am unable to answer when Leo roars, “What?!”
“Don’t get mad at him, Leo. I was the one who asked him to help me,” Mia says, in between my hacking coughs. She looks at me. “Do I need to give you the Heimlich?”
I shake my head.
Leo has completely ignored Mia and is still staring at me, waiting for me to stop coughing. I throw in a few more to delay the inevitable.
Mia goes on. “He’s helping me snag Adam, too.”
Finally, Leo looks at Mia. “Who’s Adam?”
“Adam’s the guy from the Wildwood bar.”
“The soft, emo looking one?” Leo asks incredulously.
“That’s what I said,” I rasp.
Undeterred, Mia nods. “That’s him. I need Elias to help me flirt with him and maybe date him and eventually fuck him. And then lots of other people, after that.”
“Well, that’s not going to work,” Leo shoots back. “For several reasons. The first? He’s not helping you because that’s fucking weird.”
“Told you,” I mutter to Mia.
“Secondly, I don’t think Elias has ever been on a date his entire life, so he’d be no help.”
