I already felt the blotchiness in my face, the puffiness in my cheeks. My ducts flooded with tears, and they dripped down my cheeks. It was the most heartbreaking story I’d ever heard, but it had a beautiful ending. “I’m so sorry about your sons.”
He didn’t flinch. “I watched them grow into men who made me proud. They were loved by their mother and loved by my brother like they were his. They had a very happy home and made happy families and still cared for their mother, despite their other responsibilities. I was the one who lost everything, not them. Darius may have remembered me, but I doubt Tiberius did, and as Darius aged, those memories probably started to grow blurry. Maybe it bothered them that I left, or maybe they never cared because they always had my brother as my replacement. I’ll never know. But I would give anything to just tell them that I didn’t leave because I wanted to. That it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life that I wasn’t there to raise them like I wanted, because being a father was my greatest joy. But I know they did fine without me.”
I reached to the center of the table where his hands rested, clasped together. My fingers were small compared to his big hands, but I squeezed them as more tears fell down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Callum.”
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “They’ve been gone a long time. I watched them at every age, but when I think of them, they’re still the little boys who climbed up my body like a tree trunk and hung from my arms like branches.”
“Did you tell my father this?” I recalled the way they’d suddenly found common ground, the way my father still liked him even when he should have hated him. The change in opinion had never made sense to me.
“I did.”
I nodded in understanding. “You two have a lot in common.”
“We do. He noticed that as well. But my sons lived full lives, while I lost mine. And Talon had a much more traumatic experience. He’s a good father and the reason my prejudice toward him changed.”
“And it’s the reason his prejudice toward you also changed.”
“Yes, partially.” He stared at me for a while, slowly coming back to the present and leaving his heartache in the past. “I will always mourn the loss of my boys, no matter how long I live. The love a father feels for his children is different from any other kind of love. That’s my burden to bear, and I accept that. But I’m also ready to move forward in life, to marry you and start a family with you, whenever we decide it’s the right time for us. Parenthood is the most extraordinary and fulfilling adventure you’ll ever know, and I’m excited to share that with you. To father your children and raise them to be strong and fearless like their mother. To grow our love together into another soul.”
My eyes continued to water because I couldn’t believe this was the man destined for me. I couldn’t have dreamed of anyone else. “I used to not want children.”
His eyes took me in a little harder.
“Never had an ounce of maternal instinct. Still don’t. When I told my parents how I felt, they said it was my right to choose how I wanted to live. They never tried to persuade me to change my mind. And then I met you, and I suddenly wanted them. It was instantaneous. I don’t want them right now, especially when we have so much time to enjoy our lives before we pursue that adventure. But someday, I do.”
“Whether you want them or you don’t, it changes nothing for me,” he said. “So don’t ever feel pressured.”
“I want them, Callum,” I said. “And that scares me.”
“Why?”
I sat back against the chair, feeling the hopelessness creep back into the room. Clouds of shadows leaked through the cracks around the door and the windows. We only had moments of joy during journeys of despair, and this beautiful moment was almost over. “Because we might die in the next few days, and all these dreams and hopes will never come to pass.”
23
CALLUM
When Lily took a bath, I headed to the castle alone. I asked to speak to Talon, and one of the guards escorted me to his study. The door was wide open, so I could see Talon and Queen Eldinar facing each other in armchairs, having a tense moment even though neither of them spoke.
Talon’s gaze was focused on the floor while he slouched in the chair.
Queen Eldinar continued to stare at him, but when she noticed me, her eyes flicked in my direction.
I silently dismissed myself.
“Talon, Callum is here to see you,” she said. “I feel like our conversation has concluded.”
I stopped and turned back to the open doorway.
Talon straightened in his chair as he faced her, and then he spoke in Elvish, like he was fluent in it. “Riv yoru’rse vin bealoruso kila ceroso rivan…”
She held his stare for a long time before she placed her hand over her heart and said something back. “Riv hei’vango var.” She gave a slight bow to him then exited the room and walked past me, giving me a respectful look but without a smile.
Talon rose to his feet and regarded me.
“I apologize for interrupting your conversation.”
“Don’t apologize for interrupting my apology.” He turned to the armchair and took a seat. “Queen Eldinar is the only friend I have outside of Khazmuda, and I said a lot of unforgivable things to her. I’m lucky that she was kind enough to pardon my crime.”
