“That is not the attitude you had before at all.”
“And I realized the error of my ways.”
“Dad.”
He continued to look at the fireplace.
“Dad.”
He finally turned to look at me.
“You weren’t wrong,” I said as I shook my head. “You were right the entire time, like you always are. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have foolishly risked my eternal soul for someone who couldn’t be honest with me. I should have known he was too good to be true. I should have known he was hiding something from me. When I reflect on the past, I see the evidence right in front of my face. I see all the signs I was too distracted to notice, and I feel so stupid.” Tears started to flood my eyes again. “I let a man make me feel stupid.”
My father briefly closed his eyes, like it hurt to hear me say that.
“And he was the last person I ever thought would make me feel like this.”
10
CALLUM
I hunted for elk in the wildlands then sold the meat to a local butcher. For a brief moment, I felt like I was living my old life, earning coin so I could buy Anya books and opium to ease her pain.
But the despair I carried was so much heavier now.
I’d already ruined my second chance at life, and I’d been alive for just a month.
I used the coin I earned to stay at a local inn. Drank in the bar by myself at night then sat in the rocking chair in my room by the window and watched the moon move through the sky. My eyes remained open despite the exhaustion.
It was hard for me to sleep when I was drunk and depressed. I was also afraid to dream…dream about Lily. To experience those beautiful moments that were just old memories now, and there would be no new memories to replace them.
I’d known she would be upset by the revelation, but I hadn’t expected it to be this bad. When she analyzed what happened and repeated it back to me, reminding me that I didn’t actually help her achieve anything, that I just fixed what I broke with massive casualties, I realized she was right.
What I did was horrible…and unforgivable.
She wished I hadn’t told her, and now I wished I hadn’t either.
My days became routine, hunting in the morning to cover the expense of the inn and paying for my food and ale in the bar. Four days came and went, and even though I hadn’t told anyone where I’d gone, I knew Lily could find me if she wanted to see me.
She didn’t want to see me.
I sat in the bar by myself that night and stared at the fire across the room. A woman sang from the corner while her fingers lightly played the strings of a harp. All the men stared at her and tossed coins at her feet because her voice was as beautiful as she was.
But I stared at the fire, thinking about the woman I’d lost.
Once in a while, a woman would come up to me and try to join me, but I was too depressed and exhausted and broken to say a word. So I just left my chair and moved to another empty table, knowing she would get the message.
I was surprised none of them threw a tankard at my head.
My arms and ankles were crossed as I stared at the fire, an old, toothless man sitting next to it alone with his dog lying on the floor beside his feet.
The gentle thud of a tankard against wood caught my attention, and I turned my head to see who had joined me.
It wasn’t a woman about to make her move, but Talon Rothschild.
I hadn’t expected to see him—not unless he was putting me to the sword.
He pulled out the other chair and took a seat.
