“Yeah, but I don’twanta mate bond,” I said. “I want control over my life. I want to make my own choices, not be stuck on one planet for the rest of my life because of a guy.”
Torven laughed. Actually laughed, the sound rich and warm.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just, when we first realized we were bonding, Zara was not entirely open to the idea herself.” His smile was fond. “She tried to analyze it away.”
Despite everything, I felt my lips twitch. “Very Zara of her,” I murmured. “Didn’t work, obviously, since you’re together.”
“We are.” He said it with pride. “And we’re happy. Happier than either of us ever thought possible. Because that’s what mate bonds do. They don’t take away your choices or your independence. They give you a partner. Someone who sees you completely and loves you anyway.”
“I want control over my destiny,” I said, the words coming out small and stubborn.
Torven smiled. “Sometimes you want a sunny day when it’s raining. Some things justare. You can fight them, or you can accept them and figure out how to make them work for you.”
“You think I’m being foolish.” Maybe he did, butIwas beginning to think I was being foolish.
“No, just afraid of the unknown.” He turned to face me fully. “The valley is opening up. The D’Tran want trade, cultural exchange, cooperation with the outside world. You could travel. Come back. Have both.”
“I…” This reminded me of the conversation with Mierva. “Maybe.”
“All I know is, mate bonds have never made anyone miserable,” Torven said. “They’re the purest gift anyone can receive. Finding someone whose soul recognizes yours? Someone who makes you better, stronger, more yourself than you’ve ever been?” He looked past me toward the galley, where I knew Zara was. “That’s not a cage. That’s freedom of a different kind.”
I followed his gaze, thinking about the way he looked at Zara. Like she was his entire world and his greatest adventure all at once.
“Maybe I got this all wrong,” I whispered.
He squeezed my shoulder, getting ready to leave me. “Or maybe you needed him to let you go, to prove to you that he could.”
“Fuck.” I rubbed my face. Something in my chest cracked open. The weight that had been pressing down on mesuddenly lifted, and I could breathe again for the first time in two days. I winced and looked up at Torven. “Can we go back?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Now?”
“Now.Rightnow. Before I lose my nerve. Before I talk myself out of it again.” The words tumbled out in a rush. “I need to see him. I need to tell him I’m sorry and I was scared and I love him and I want to try. I want to make this work. I want—”
“Cleo.” Torven’s voice cut through my rambling. “Breathe.”
I sucked in air, realizing I’d been talking without pausing.
“You want to go back to the valley,” he said. “To Rezor.”
“Yes.”
“Are you certain? Because once we turn this ship around, once you walk back into that valley and tell him you’re choosing him, there’s no taking it back. You’d really break him if you did this twice.”
“I know.” The certainty settled over me like a warm blanket. “I’m sure. More sure than I’ve been about anything in a long time.”
Torven studied my face for a long moment. Then he smiled. “Well, then. I suppose we’re turning around.”
“Really? You can do that?”
“I’m the captain.” He moved toward the door with a grin. “Though I should probably inform my mate that we’re extending the mission. She’ll be pleased. She wanted more time to study the disabled weather towers,andshe thinks you and Rezor are a good match…now that she knows you’re not a prisoner.”
I laughed. “Oh mystars, Zara.”
“She loves both data and a good reunion story. Something about humans and their romantic narratives.” He paused at the door. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right choice. Not because staying with him is objectively better than leaving. But because it’s what you want. And that’s all that matters.”
He left, and I turned back to the viewport. We’d soon be turning around. Going back.
