How much I could recognize him by scent alone.
How, even in a dark room, I’d find him by it, how his presence feels like safety in a way I didn’t think I’d ever get to have.
It’s terrifying how much I’ve come to depend on that, on his presence, on him.
Letting out a breath, I step into the building and start the long climb up the staircase to my apartment. Sixth floor. No elevator. One of the many reasons Tyler’s always cursed this place. Halfway up, I pull out my phone and open our chat, typing a quick message as I climb.
Lucas:I’m home, what time
are you done with work?
Tyty:Well, well… look who
remembers where home is.
Are you here to pack your
remaining clothes?
I roll my eyes and laugh under my breath. He’s being dramatic, as always. He knew I’d be back today, he just can’t help himself.
Just as I’m about to type something back, my phone buzzes with a FaceTime call. My mother. The last time she called mewas… weeks ago. Our conversations aren’t exactly frequent. I usually text her when I send money every weekend. I don’t pay the loan money monthly anymore, but instead I send it weekly without fail. It’s become a routine now. Since Alex is still paying me for the ASL lessons, I send the money to her, and she sends proof that she has made the payment that week.
I still haven’t told Alex about this loan. I do not want him associating with my mother or even knowing anything about it, or the sort. I feel like some things are just better left unsaid.
Nonetheless, I still feel guilty that he still pays for the lessons, even though he had told me countless times that he will not stop until he get to know ASL perfectly, and honestly from the slow pace we are going with it, l am pretty sure it will take a long time, but teaching him ASL feels more natural now, and not like the awkward way we started. It’s more soft between us. I sign when I speak to him now. We go over new signs while lying in bed, while brushing our teeth, while watching movies. It’s become part of us — casual, playful, but intimate too.
I watch my phone ring and let it go unanswered on purpose. The moment it stops, I shoot Tyler a text instead.
Lucas:How about we
go Sephora shopping.
Tyty:Don’t tempt me
With a good time pls.
I’m broke as fuck.
Lucas:it’s on me, after
that we go can bowling.
Tyty:oh how I love this
version of you my love,
Finally ready to spoil us
With your sugar daddy’s
Card now huh?
He follows it with a row of teasing emojis and I can’t help but smile.
It’s not like I’ve been dying to use the Amex card. But ever since Alex made me an authorized user and handed me that sleek, heavy card in a ridiculous black velvet box, it’s just been… sitting there. With my name engraved on it. My name. A card linked directly to his account.
It still hasn’t fully clicked in my head that it’s mine to use. That I could swipe it anywhere and not worry about the total. That I can buy anything I want.
