Because I love him.
Fuck, I love him.
I close my teary eyes, trying to stop myself from sobbing, then press my face into the curve of his neck. I can barely breathe past the knot in my throat. Everything feels fragile. Too beautiful. Too fleeting.
So I pray.
Silently, desperately, like a child with his hands folded in the dark.
Please.
Please don’t take this from me.
Please don’t let my trauma ruin this. Don’t let it poison him. Don’t let it drive him away.
Let me keep him. Just this once… let something stay.
THIRTY-SIX
ALEXANDER
It’s been three days.
Three days since Lucas woke up screaming from that nightmare.
Three days since I saw him flinch away from my touch—eyes wide, breath shallow, like he wasn’t even here. Three days since he called me baby in that soft, broken voice of his, since he let me hold him, touch him, sink deep inside him while he writhed beneath me, moaning my name like it was the only thing in the world that kept him tethered.
I still hear it.
Still feel it.
The way he trembled beneath me. The way he trusted me fully and completely. His eyes wide and pleading, not with fear, but need.
He let me in.
And in return, I gave him everything.
Because it’s him. It’s always been him.
I saw it in his eyes that night, the hunger, the longing, the trust. Even after the fear, even after the nightmare, he wanted me. And I showed him just how much I needed him too, how much I was willing to wait for his truth, for his story. For him.
But fuck, waiting is hard.
It’s brutal.
Especially after seeing the haunted look in his eyes that night. The kind of fear that doesn’t come from bad dreams. The kind of fear that comes from memories.
And I keep wondering—what happened to him? What did they do to him?
Was that the night that stole his voice?
Was that when he lost his hearing?
Who hurt him? Who broke him? And how do I find and end them?
Because I will. If I ever find out, I’ll burn down the world and make them beg for mercy he never got.
My eyes drift back to the screen in front of me, half a dozen reports open across my desktop, and I haven’t read a single fucking line in hours.
