“I want to.”
I take a shaky breath.
“You were there when no one else was. You gave me reasons to stay when I didn’t want to anymore. You made me laugh when I thought I had forgotten how. I don’t say it enough, but… I love you, Ty. You’re my family.”
Before the last word fully leaves my mouth, he throws his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. His shoulders are trembling, breath uneven against my skin.
“I love you, too,” he chokes out. “You idiot. You beautiful idiot.”
I close my eyes and grip the back of his shirt like it’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
And in that second, I don’t care if the demon comes back.
I don’t care if it crawls out of the shadows and wraps its hands around my throat again.
Let it. Let it scream, let it drag its nails down my spine—I did what I wanted today.
I didn’t let it win.
For a moment, I feel content. Quiet.
But it’s a fragile kind of peace, one I know can shatter with a single thought.
Because I don’t know what happens after this, I don’t know what tomorrow will feel like. I don’t know if I’ll be able to look anyone in the eye without feeling that twisted grin following me everywhere.
God, I can already feel it—
The slow crawl of fear up my arms.
The tightness at the back of my skull, like I’m shrinking inside my own body.
The way even love feels distant when the panic comes creeping in.
And it breaks something in me, the thought that I might pull away again.
That I might retreat into silence, that maybe I’ll shut down and lock the doors again, not because I want to, but because I won’t know how to stop it.
It’s whispering again. Telling me I’m broken. Telling me I’ll ruin everything.
Tyler’s arms are around me, and I’m thinking about how easy it would be to vanish again. To let the silence take me, to stop letting people get too close.
Because I’m scared. So fucking scared.
And then there’s Alex.
His name alone pulls a sob up my throat that I don’t let escape.
My Alex
His voice. His hands. His warmth. His terrifying softness.
What if I push him away when all I want is to stay wrapped in him forever?
What if this thing in my chest convinces me I don’t deserve him, even though every part of me is already his?
What if I’m not strong enough to hold him and my demons at the same time?
And worse… what if he walks away because of it?
