I nod again, slower this time, my heart thudding a little harder. He’s right, I know he is.
He leans forward, resting his elbow on his knee.
“You already know this is important, but I’m gonna say it anyway. Staying clean down there means you’ll have to douche. It’s not glamorous or sexy, but it matters.”
I feel my cheeks warm as I glance at him, and he grins, playful again for a moment.
“Luckily for you, I’ve been making you take fiber supplements with me for months now,” he adds, smirking. “So you’re ahead of the game, baby boy.”
That makes me laugh a little, and I give him a grateful look. He shrugs like it’s nothing, but I can tell he’s glad I’m relaxing a bit.
“Douching isn’t fun,” he continues, more serious now. “It takes patience. Use warm water, never soap, and take your time. Don’t force it. Everyone’s body reacts differently, so learn yours. And don’t beat yourself up if it’s not perfect every time.”
I nod, filing every word away like it’s sacred scripture. My nerves are still buzzing, but Tyler’s calm makes them easier to hold.
“Next up: lube,” he says, raising his eyebrows like it’s the holy grail. “Your new best friend. Use more than you think you need. Water-based is fine, but silicone-based is better if you’re going longer or things get intense. Condoms are important too.”
I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry.
“condoms…” I sign almost shyly, “Does he have to use them?”
He looks at me and then gives me a teasing smirk.
“You don’t want him to use them, huh?”
I lick my lips and nod, my face heating.
“I know you trust him. But let me ask you something—do you know if Alex is on PrEP?”
I frown a little, shaking my head.
He sighs and leans forward.
“PrEP is a pill that prevents HIV. It’s not the same as condoms, but it’s still protection. If Alex isn’t on it, that’s something you two should talk about. Because trust is important, but so is your health.”
I press my lips together, nodding slowly.
“Look, if you both are negative and you’re in a real, committed relationship, technically you don’t need PrEP or condoms. As long as you trust him enough that he will not sleep with other people while you are in the picture.”
I swallow, then give him a grateful smile.
“Now, let’s go back to bottoming.” He looks at me seriously. “Don’t rush it ever. Even if you think you’re ready, even if he’s sweet and sexy and you want it… Take your time. Let your body open at its own pace.”
“What if something goes wrong?” I sign. “What if I freeze up? Or panic? What if it hurts and I just… can’t go through with it?”
Tyler reaches out and squeezes my hand.
“It might hurt a little at first. That’s normal. But if he’s patient, if he’s really worth your first time, then he’ll make sure you’re okay every step of the way.”
I nod, biting the inside of my cheeks.
“And from everything you’ve told me about Alex,” Tyler says, his voice steady, “I know he’s the patient type. I know he’ll make your first time worth it. And if you ever ask him to stop—he will.”
His certainty wraps around me like a blanket. Warm. Comforting.
“You’re not gonna do anything wrong,” he adds, softer now. “You don’t have to perform, or impress, or be perfect. Your only job is to feel. To trust. To breathe.”
I swallow, my throat tight. Every word feels like it’s carving space inside me—space I didn’t know I needed.
