He tries to pull in a breath, rubbing his chest.
His voice drops, hand squeezing mine tighter.
“Sonny, this is happening too fast.
“Jesus, I can’t think.
“I don’t feel right. I feel like I’m gettin’ hit by a fuckin’ bus right now?—”
I huff out a bitter laugh.
“You? I was blindsided tonight. You said you‘hooked upsome.’ Figured I’d getsomedirty looks. Maybesomejealous bitch. But this? Ain’tsome. I was fucked the second I walked in, and you took that, and turned the volume all the way up. Intentionally made it worse for me.”
I laugh so I don’t cry,
then shrug—empty, scraped hollow.
“And yeah, said I don’t get jealous. Said I’m not insecure. Still don’t. Still not. But that wasn’t an invitation to see how far you could push it. Told you, let ‘em get close,if you want,” I say slowly. “And you did. So now I know.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them.
"Fuck—" His hands are shaking.
“I didn’t mean for it to go like that,
“I swear I didn’t?—”
“You didn’t mean to put a fuckin’ noose around my neck? Kick the fuckin’ chair out and watch me dangle for over an hour? Cut it down just to see if I’d crawl to you so you canfuckin’ breathe?”
I blink, brows raised, still acting calm.
“That’s what you did tonight.”
He’s shaking his head
as if that won’t make it true.
I swallow. “And I’m the idiot, covered in fuckin’ orange juice, crawlin’ through all these fuckin’ girls to get to you.” I turn my head when a tear shakes off my lashes, and I wipe it fast. “All of it? Tonight? Just proved my point. I’m not yours. You’re not mine. And you will never be mine. Youcan’tever be mine ‘cause you’re not yours to hand over.” My voice fractures. “You got no control. Everyone fuckin’ owns you.”
His pupils go glassy.
He brings my hand to his heaving chest,
voice breaking before the sentence forms.
A breath.
A beginning.
Then nothing.
Only his heart thrashing under my palm.
Then a swallow and?—
“Sonny—you’re right.
“But this ain’t me, you are.
