To scared to storm the boardroom,
so I play Robin Hood with my own goddamn savings.
Too scared to face feelings,
so I punish myself for feeling anything at all
instead of just… fucking feeling.
And thenAndrew’svoice crashes in again.
Eyes bleeding navy,
the skyline all lit up behind him?—
“…You’re fuckin’ brave.”
“No, I’m not.”
“…Yeah, you are…”
I shake my head.
Wasn’t brave enough to be honest.
Wasn’t brave enough to stop you.
Wasn’t brave enough to confront feelings
just because I had no control of them.
Never thought him walking away would be our last dance.
Always thought it would’ve been the other way around.
I lean forward in my chair,
fingers drumming the desk.
I can’t fix what happened with Andrew.
I can’t text him.
I can’t write a simple rap.
I can’t change who I am,
my past,
or this life I built.
I can’t deny that orgasms hold me together
and break me apart.
I can’t stop vomiting after sex
like a fucking normal person.
