heart pounding,
hands shaking,
stomach twisting.
The beat always hits my chest before the words ever come, warning me I’m about to write a song set to ruin me.
And that’s the exact feeling slamming through me the second Andrew and I step into the lobby and Ben’s standing there waiting.
Pain’s here. It just doesn’t hurt yet.
It’s sitting. Waiting. Taking up space.
Getting comfortable. Holding my heartbreak.
Letting me know the hurt is coming.
Ben is standing inside the doors,
leaning against the wall.
Joggers. Damp hair.
Car keys twirling lazy around his finger.
Casual, relaxed, unexpected, uninvited,
seconds from ripping Andrew away from me,
seconds from peeling the skin off the life I didn't think I wanted.
Sun's rising behind him,
honey yellow crawling across the floor,
casting long streaks through the shadows.
It's too warm, too dreamy next to the bass guitar Pain's strumming in my chest as I stand there, stuck between two worlds.
Between Sonny and Baby.
Between Andrew and Ben.
Between the warmth of the boy who makes me feel alive… colliding with the shadow of the man I trained to keep me numb.
This sunlight pools at my feet,
and I don’t know who I am standing in it.
My heart’s pounding so fiercely
it might break through bones and skin
and hit the floor.
My throat’s swelling.
My eyes dart around the room,
