“Should’ve never come here tonight.
“‘Cause there’s no way this'll end right…
“I’m gonna hurt you.”
I hold his stare so he sees the truth.
“Iwillfuckin’ hurt you.”
The wind hits my face
and I hate that I’m shaking.
“But now you’re here. I’m here.
“This rooftop.
“And this perfect fucking night.”
He moves in?—
But I stumble back,
my spine catching the pole.
He stops cold, jaw locked like Jersey steel.
“Sorry,” I breathe. “That wasn't about you. My body just... doesn't know any better." I shrug. “Flinching is another battle I'm still fighting." I shake the nerves out of my hands, collect myself. “Truth is, I tried to shut the door on you, Andrew. But you keep gettin’ in, got your foot stuck in there, and I can’t make myself push you out.”
I force my gaze to crawl back to his.
He’s staring at me, lost.
As if he can’t remember where he is,
like the rest of the world packed up and left.
I squint at him. “I’m not pulling some reverse-psych bullshit here, okay? I’m not tryin’ to guilt you, or trap you, or make you feel things you don’t. I just—don’t wanna pretend or be somethin’ I’m not.
“Or smile when I wanna scream.
“Act chill when I’m fallin’ apart.
“Or lie just to hide.
“I really,reallydon’t.”
Another deep breath.
“Not with you.”
Then—
Silence.
He’s staring at me.
And staring.
