makes me melt,
makes me human.
And I don’t deserve to sit
across from someone like him.
He makes me want to give in.
Not in the fun,
thighs-shaking,
can’t-walk-after way.
In the,
fuck-me-this-could-destroy-everythingway.
My lifestyle.
My system.
My safety net.
My heart.
I keep thinking if I wait long enough,
he’ll fade out.
Or I will. Whichever cracks first.
But nothing’s fading.
Everything’s sinking and soaking.
And there’s only three ways this ends:
1. Tell him now, lose him now.
2. Don’t tell him, hurt him later.
3. Disappear now, and he walks away without pieces missing.
There’s no version where I don’t lose him.
So what the fuck am I doing here?
Why would I walk straight into a grave?
I shake my head,
pulse hammering,
heels pinching.
This was a bad idea.
