Tragically,I had become a girl who could not stop thinking about a boy.
Through the night and unto the morning, thoughts of a Heathen had kept me awake, and how dare he take up any space in my mind. I hadn’t seen him in a week, and I wished to just see him to smack him and tell him about himself.
And I wished to just see him to smack him.
And I wished to just see him.
I sat at the desk, still in my nightgown, in front of a blank page, watching the dusk yawn its colors across the horizon. After the witching hour, my last new moon would appear. The Crimson Eclipse would arrive in a little over two weeks, and while there was a flood of emotions rising within me to drain onto the paper, I feared it would only send the Shadows to take Stone’s life, should my sister be right.
Even in rage, I wanted him safe.
Which made me want to take my pen and stab myself in the eye.
My chair creaked when I swung my legs to the side to face Alice.
She was sitting in her rocking chair, almost finished reading her novel.
“What’s the cure for heartbreak?” I asked.
She looked up at me as she turned the page.
“Poetry,” she replied. “And books. A lot of books.”
Sometimes I’ve wondered if the sad poets before me sat at their desks in the corner of a dreary room, wishing that their sorrow would one day inspire. And it was possible, I could imagine, the writers had known all along, willing to bear and bleed for the sake of future generations of the broken-hearted, their poetry the only remedy.Yes, I thought, but it was neither here nor there. No one would believe me if I said books and poetry have saved us time and time again.
“What are your plans today, Miss Adora?” Alice asked as I stood to change out of my nightgown. “With the wedding less than three weeks away, I can only imagine all the last-minute arrangements and decisions that need to be made.”
“You’re absolutely right.” I’d wasted weeks sulking, and there was one more thing I needed to do before the eclipse arrived to make sure Kane’s sacrifice carried on smoothly. “I’ll be heading into town.”
And after bundling up, I wished her restful sleep before slipping out the door.
After stepping into the brisk January cold, I began my two-mile walk to Blackwell Apothecary. I took Seaside Street to Town Square, passing Oh My Stars—a dream I’d once lived in that disappeared one morning. Maybe if no one would catch me in Kane’s murder, and maybe if the Shadows were gone, then I could open its doors again. So manymaybeswith a future up in the air. Maybe I should have appreciated what I had when I had it. Who knew that once your dream comes true, even this could be taken away, too. Nothing ever really belonged to us. Not love. Not talent. Not a man.
I turned the corner, colliding with a crowd of people on the street circling The Bean.
They were cursing and hurling threats into the air.
I tried to peer over heads and peek between shoulders.
A slice of Julian’s face appeared between two bodies.
I stepped back, pulse racing, throat tightening, tears already forming, unsure if I could handle the sight of Stone just yet. If he was with Julian, one of two things could very well happen. Either I was to barrel through the crowd, swipe the Heathen’s steaming hot coffee, and toss the contents into his face, or I could pretend I felt nothing. As much as I wanted to hurt him as much as I was hurt, it only proved I was hurting at all. The one who cared least always won.
The apothecary was only three blocks away.
And I took a step in the wiser direction.
Suffocate, my sweet emotions.
I took another step.
Pretend.
And then another.
Chin low.
Something inside me turned my head—my stupid heart, perhaps—and there he was.
