At times, I was sure the sack had turned me into a shy boy who disliked being the center of attention. Other times, especially at this moment, my desire to cut through cruelty overpowered me.
“Admit defeat,”I said in their native language, gripping the club with an angry hand. The sharp and metallic sound of my voice shocked us both. It was the first time I had spoken a word to any of them since arriving.
In the reflection of Bly’s wide and angry eyes, I saw my own.
My eyes were black, and in them, all the colors of every cold, storybook night.
Bly covered his surprising loss with a chuckle.
“Concede!” I shouted again in English, disdain clutching the two syllables.
Bly looked away with a false smile, his head falling to the side and his quiet tribal words meeting my ears.“I give up.”
I jumped off him and threw the club to the ground at his side. The crowd parted down the middle as I walked past. The grain sack attempted to block their insulting whispers that wanted to violate my ears, but it failed.
“What have you done?” Mother hissed as I blew passed her.
My back was pinnedto the outside wall of our hogan, and on the other side, Mother’s screams poked the night’s eye. She would be fucking for hours.
The red moon set off a summer haze in the sky, settling high and offering weak lighting as I threaded the envelope between my fingers. Although this envelope was the only gift that had ever been given to me, I was unable to open it. Thus, I slipped it back into my waistband and returned to my sketchpad that was resting on my knee. Head down, a set of familiar eyes stared back at me from the drawing. The burnt drawing tool was still warm between my fingers, and I upturned the eyes, the charcoal lines gliding smoothly across the rag paper like glass.
Routine was my savior. In the morning, I hunted, and at night, I read and drew the face engraved in my mind. It was a face I’d never seen before, but one I could not rid myself of as it held me through the loneliest of nights.
A startled babe let out a strangled cry. My gaze lifted to a woman sitting across the way, breastfeeding under the full moon.
The babe held on to the mother’s finger in a strong grip.
It was a familiar trust I understood all too well, but at what point would the babe grow to need more or begin questioning everything he knew?
A loud shoutboomedacross the land.
It had come from the direction of Chayton’s hogan.
I rolled the sketchpad and tucked it into my waistband as I stood.
Moonlight landed on Bly storming back inside his hogan. Beside the door, Chayton sat against the wooden siding, clutching his dog to his chest. The commotion stirred the rest of the tribe, sending them into their hogans for the night, doors closing all around.
I whistled to call Chayton’s attention.
Though I was used to the whispers of the others, Chayton had never paid me negative attention. Perhaps he was different. I had not made a friend since Paco, and there was a hunger within me for a connection with someone other than Mother.
Chayton’s sad eyes lifted and found me.
Standing to his feet, his expression morphed into anger. I carefully approached, seeing his dog lay limp with a broken neck in his arms.
Another cautious step closer. “Did … Did your father do this?”
Chayton looked at me as though I were not human, as though the words I had spoken were foreign to him. Perhaps he did not understand English. Before I could try again in his language, Chayton hugged his beloved pet one last time before dropping the heavy, dead animal into my arms.
“This is your fault,”he said to me.
His shoulder shoved mine when he stomped past.
With my arms full, I stood in a daze, my heart battling sheer malevolence. Had his father been so angry over what I had done that he broke the dog’s neck? I turned back, watching Chayton walk away, fading into the night, a boy trapped and inured to the dark and ill side of humanity.I was only trying to help,I wanted to call back to Chayton, but it was my fault. Mother was right, and as always, others suffered the consequences of my actions.
I laid my hand on the dog’s side. He’d already been dead for hours. All body warmth had left, and his chill rushed inside me. The animal deserved to rest in peace, so I descended into the woods to seek a burial place.
After reaching a small clearing, I knelt down and laid the dog on the ground. I closed my eyes and stroked the rugged black fur, recounting the details of this day leading up to this moment, wishing I had not made things more difficult for Chayton. If only I had stayed back as Mother advised.
