“No, Julian. Your pain is enough. You loved him, and he knows, and it was enough,” Fallon whispered, and my mask slid off as she pulled me into her neck. Her arms covered me like a solar eclipse. I breathed her in, I breathed her out, finding refuge. “He knows, Julian. Johnny knows, and he still loves you so much. He’s always there when you’re in that dark place. He’s right there with you, every time. You were never alone, and he never stopped loving you.”
And under the shining sun, I felt a piece of the man I used to be settle back into place.
Chapter 28
Fallon
Lighter days had comeand gone. Each morning when I woke, a white moonflower rested on the pillow. I hadn’t seen Julian, though. Not in over a week. I’d told him not to come. It wasn’t worth him being thrown in the tunnels, and he’d said it was the very reason he didn’t tell me. But every morning, the white moonflower still appeared. And every morning, I smiled, knowing he’d been here.
It was October the first, and Gramps had made it to the breakfast table, Freddy in the Mournin’ cranked up so he could hear. We’d finished the crossword puzzle in record time, slamming our pens down against the table. Pencils were for amateurs. And in the late morning, I’d dressed for the chilly temperatures to head into the square, in my skinny black jeans, favorite leather jacket, and black suede booties.
The multicolored leaves fell from trees and carpeted the streets, swirling and waltzing to their grand finale, making it seem as if it were something to be celebrated and not a grim death sentence. And to the golden and fiery color, it was. I breathed the color deep into my lungs, knowing winter would soon rob me of this hue. It smelled of a campfire, soured apples, and new beginnings. New beginnings because I was jobless, butoh, like the fall, how I was falling.
I parked the scooter in front of The Bean, and my reflection bounced off the diamond-paned storefront window as I switched out the helmet for a slouchy black beanie.
“Mornin’, Fallon,” Mr. Hobb of Hobbs Grocery mumbled as he limped across the paved pathway, a nod of the head, carrying a briefcase as if he were on a mission. I turned to give him an easy wave, and my eyes fell over Agatha Blackwell, sweeping the autumn leaves from the stoop of her shop a few blocks down. Which only reminded me to stop and pick up her secret tea concoction for Gramps later. Agatha waved, and I returned the gesture before dipping out of the cold and into the coffee shop.
The door chimed, and the line wrapped around the corner. I took my place at the end, and my hand reached for my phone to kill time, forgetting it wasn’t there.
I’d been without my cellphone for two months now, powered it off, and dropped it inside the top drawer of my nightstand. Hadn’t needed it since. In a place cut off from the rest of the world, I’d been forced to confront the judgmental eyes of others, confront my thoughts.
I mindlessly moved along with the line, lost in those very thoughts when a soft buzz hummed inside me, around me. Chatter sounded distant within the café, a million miles away, but right in the background.
“Where’d you go, Fallon?” A whisper in my ear, icy breath in my hair as if it were a cold front. I went to look behind me when he gripped the waistline of my jeans and pulled me flush against his frame. “Act casual, would you?” Julian whispered, a playfulness in his tone. I dropped my chin and smiled. “Where’d you go just a moment ago?”
“What do you mean?” My voice was low as we took a step forward, darting my eyes around. No one noticed us. No one was paying attention to the freaks.
“You do that a lot. You get lost inside your head and stare into nothing. I know this sounds strange, but,” he brushed his knuckles across the base of my spine, sending a surge to the rest of my body, “I want to know what you’re thinking. I want to be there, wherever it is your mind takes you to.”
My smile was embarrassing. “You’re already there.”
Julian released a sound, something like a hum mixed with a sigh in his exhale. I wished this feeling, the feeling of us, was tangible. I wished I could capture this rush, bottle it. Save it for eternity.
“I don’t want to be apart from you,” he said into my hair. “I’m coming to you tonight.” I shook my head, and he growled. “Oh, you’re cold-blooded.” His fingertips traced the ridges of my spine, the hem of my jeans. “But I’m still coming. Be ready for me.”
His breath was in my ear like a heartbeat. My eyes closed, feeling dizzy.
And then he was gone—just like that—leaving me in his cold spots.
I took another step forward; my body still buzzing.
Once I reached the counter, River Harrison greeted me with a fat smile. “Your usual Pumpkin Spice?”
“Eh, I need something stronger.” Something to wake me up from Julian’s spell. Behind her, my gaze scanned over the festive coffee choices.
“Brave enough to try Weeping Hollow’s own Wicked Death Wish?” River’s brow spiked as her lips pressed together in a tight line. I shifted on my heels.
“Let’s make that two on this fine day,” I heard and jerked my head around to see Kioni coming up behind me and slapping a ten on the counter. “Heavy on the whip and extra drizzle.” River worked the register, handed her change, and Kioni and I stepped off to the side. “Did not mean to intrude, but I refuse to wait in that line, and don’t bother paying me back. You can get the next one.” She eyed me as I searched through my purse for my wallet.
I thanked her, and she shook her black hair, her eyes flickering cinnamon brown, like newly minted copper pennies.
“How are you? Good to see you are still here.”
“I am! Didn’t think I’d last this long, to be honest.”
“Where you off to now?” she asked, and the simplicity of her question reminded me how I’d lost my job.
It was bitter-sweet. I had the rest of the day, free to do whatever it was I wanted, yet the only thing I wanted to do was isolate myself inside the morgue and bring the little life I could back into a corpse.
