“He’s not coming back,” I cried into his shirt, gripping the cotton in my fists. “Why won’t he come back?”
“Shhh…” Julian rubbed behind my head, my back. He took us to the floor against the lockers, held me together in his arms. “Death isn’t the end. What was, will be again.”
I didn’t know why he was here after the things he’d said.
I was just glad he was and clutched his shirt tighter.
“This can’t be right,” I said, snatching Gramps’ letter from Jonah’s hands. “Gramps hated both covens.”
“Once you’re a member of Norse Woods Coven, you’re family, Fallon. Always. It wasn’t Benny’s choice or Norse Woods’ choice for him to leave, it was the union of Tobias and Freya. That letter was written just last year. He still wanted to be cremated in the same place where his wife was cremated. Unfortunately, Javino is no longer with us to perform the ceremony, so Goody will have to do.”
I shook my head. “No. If this was what Gramps wanted, I’ll give him his ceremonyandwith Norse Woods, but Clarence Goody will not perform it. You will.”
“I’m not the high priest.”
“I don’t care. That man, Clarence Goody, gives me a bad vibe. You have to do this for me. I can’t even think about Clarence heading Gramps’ funeral. No, I won’t let that happen.”
“Since you are his next of kin, I’ll grant your wishes. We will perform the ceremony this evening. Is there anyone you would like for me to invite outside of the Norse Woods Coven?”
“I don’t know. Mina Mae?”
“Okay, I’ll contact Mina.” Jonah tapped a stack of papers over his desk, and they settled back in place before he turned in his chair, filed them in the same filing cabinet I’d once broken into.
“Hey, Jonah?”
“Mhm?” he huffed, a pen in his mouth.
“Will Julian be there?”
Julian had stayed with me in the mortuary for as long as an hour before Jonah arrived and brought me into this room. Then he’d left. It was all so brief.
“Yes, Julian is part of the ceremony,” he answered matter-of-factly. “If you are worried about the two of you being close and everyone watching, they won’t be. Sacred Sea nor the Order can interfere with our custom beliefs or rituals. They cannot discipline him for being around you during a funeral.”
Later that evening, I stood in front of my full-length mirror, smoothing down the white cotton dress I’d unearthed from the back of the closet. The top section of my hair was loosely French braided, the tips touching my ribcage. I looked to the floor, expecting to see Casper, but he wasn’t there. Casper hadn’t returned since that cruel night.
Mina Mae picked me up from the house in a Chevy Woody Wagon from the eighties, and together, we rode in silence toward the Norse Woods with my stomach knotted. Mina sniffled before she leaned over, patting my twisted fingers in my lap, letting me know she was there, that she was close. Maybe the gesture was more for her than me.
The car passed through a tunnel of trees, its boughs twisting and bending overhead. Once we reached the end of the road, she drove upon the leaf-covered ground and parked the car.
“That door doesn’t open from the inside, deah. I’ll have to come around the front and get yah,” she said. I nodded even though she’d already exited the cabin.
The sun slowly dipped into the forest, splashing sepia colors across the sky, and after a long walk through the quiet and dimming woods, we arrived. I froze in place, seeing at least twenty to thirty people who had formed a circle around an altar, all holding hands.
There were some I knew in passing, and some I’d never seen before. Jolie and Agatha. Wren Wildes. Mr. Hyland and his daughter, who owned the tattoo parlor. Ocean, the homeless man. A few others, but I couldn’t process any more names. The woman wore dresses of various colors, flower crowns on their heads. The men wore forest green robes, bones and chains with pendants, the same ones the Heathen’s wore, hanging from their necks. It was quiet and peaceful here. My heart pounded, unsure of where to go, or what to do. Mina stood next to me, an outsider as well.
The circle broke when Julian walked through, wearing only slacks and an animal skull attached to his face. Barefooted, he walked toward me with a flower crown hanging from his fingers. His steps made no sound against the earth, and he stopped at my feet. A breath released from his nose.
“You okay?” he whispered, placing the crown over my head, his silver eyes darting back and forth from mine to the top of my head. I nodded, staring at his sharp lips, the way they were equally proportioned, the dip of his cupid’s bow, his chin, the angle of his jawline, searing it all into my memory, unsure of when I’d see him like this again.
He held out his hand. “Come with me.” And I placed my hand in his before he led me back through the circle. I felt everyone’s gaze on us, but it wasn’t a gaze of judgment or scrutiny. It almost felt as if he were a thing to be admired and nothing as I expected.
Julian tilted his head. “This is a safe place,” he assured me through a whisper. “Do you feel comfortable?”
“Yes,” I said, my voice low, and looked around to see Jonah standing behind the altar, the other Heathens standing beside Jonah. Clarence Goody was joining hands with others in the circle around me, and my gaze followed the line when it landed on Mina, who’d made a place for herself.
Julian stayed beside me, clutching my hand in his when Jonah cleared his throat to speak. He introduced himself and his position, the owner of the funeral home, and what has brought us here. He’d said my name, Gramps’ name, and thanked the coven for their support. Julian moved his hand over my hand, weaving his fingers with mine. Then gave my hand a gentle squeeze as if he were pushing love through me.
“Mother of us all gather us in your arms. You, who know the grief of losing a loved one, send us comfort. Father and protector stand by our side. You, who know life and death, send us guidance …” Jonah continued, and I couldn’t keep my gaze off Gramps’ body lying before me. I hadn’t noticed when Jonah stopped speaking.
