They’re here, I thought.This is it.
Before opening the door, I looked back once more at the girl.My girl.
I turned the knob on the lantern until a flame ignited, then lifted it off the hook. The door opened a sliver. Cold chills slipped through the crack, and Agatha stood on my front porch, huddled inside a thick coat. Gray strands of her hair fell from their tie and were now strung out and framing her face.
“Is it true? You intervened in Sacred Sea’s ritual?” Agatha quickly asked. I stepped out onto the porch, closed the door softly behind me. Agatha looked into my eyes when hers transformed all-knowingly, equal parts confused and distraught. Her hand shook as she laid it upon the base of her neck. “My god, Jai, is she in there now?”
I could barely look at her. “Yes.”
Her firm hand struck my face, and my head whipped to the side. “I can’t believe you! Why would you do that to me?” I closed my eyes, hearing the tears brimming hers. “No …no,Jai. Why couldn’t you just stay out of it? Why couldn’t you keep your distance?WHY?” she shouted through a whisper, failing at holding her emotions in her throat. “Oh, god, they’ll sacrifice you. They’ll burn you in The Wicker Man,Julian Jai.Oh, god!”she cried, “Why?! Why would you do this to me?”
Shaking my head, I lifted my shoulders, trying to find the words to explain I couldn’t be apart from Fallon. Doing so was damaging to my soul. I couldn’t ever rip the Darkness out or scrub it clean. But with her, around her, I was different. I wasmeagain, and not something cursed or diseased. With her, I was myself as much as I was hers. With her, the Darkness couldn’t touch me.
So, when my eyes settled on Agatha’s hurt and fearful ones, I could only speak of the truth. “I love—”
“Don’t you dare!” she shouted, shaking her head. “Don’t you dare say those words, you have no right!” My mother slapped me against my chest, again and again, she continued to beat me, and I let her. The lantern knocked from my hand and crashed to the floor. “You’re a monster,” she cried out. “Only a monster would give me the same grief you’ve given me. You took away my baby Johnny. You took away my Javino, all so you could die too? Youarenothing but a monster, Jai! I can’t believe you put me in this position … I did everything to protect you, and this is how you repay me?!” I stood frozen as she beat me, pain and betrayal bleeding from her heart.
Eventually, her limbs went slack when she grew weak, and I wrapped my arms around her, held her tight against my chest to support her weight. There was nothing more I could say that would make her see. Agatha’s evanescent cries were swallowed by the deep and dimming woods around us as I held her close.
She gathered herself and pulled away. “You think she could honestly love you? A Hollow Heathen?” she scoffed. “She’s never even seen your face!” My jaw clenched as she continued, “She’s not one of us. Do you think she would be willing to watch the coven use you,beat you! violate you! abuse you!all to pull magic from you in the way you were born to be used? Do you think she would stand for it? Do you honestly believe she would always agree to come second to your coven? Does she have any idea what she is in for?” She dragged in a full breath, both of us knowing these were the very reasons she’d never allowed for me to call her Mom. It was all a way to distance herself as much as possible because she couldn’t endure it herself. It was the only way for her to live with a Hollow Heathen as a son. “You are a Heathen, not a man, Jai. You are living in a fairytale.”
“Shelovesme. The rest is nonsense,” I said through gritted teeth. What we had was real. “It isn’t logistics or a matter of checking off a list, Agatha. She’s notjusta girl, and I’m notjusta Heathen. I’m done answering to you, the coven, the Order.”
“Then you’re an abomination, falling for it all. You need to bring the girl back,” Agatha said, more composed than before. “These were your decisions, and now you must face the consequences because if you don’t, you’ll only be making it worse for her,” she lifted her chin, two iron fists in her eyes, “You need to let the Order decide your fate. Get rid of Freya’s girl before you pull her into your miserable life.”
After Agatha left, I walked back inside to find Fallon sitting up on the couch with a blank face in the dark. “You heard,” I concluded, walking toward her. Fallon didn’t say a word, and the silence was deafening. “I hate to say it, but she’s right. I’m only making things worse for you. Life would be worse with me. And she would know, Fallon. She’s been through a lot, and she’s just trying to do what’s best for everyone. After everything I’ve done, the death I brought upon this town, if these past months with you were the best months of my life, I can die knowing I was capable of being something more. That I could be me again.”
“That’s not fair,” Fallon whispered. “Did you ever think about me through your experiment?”
“Oh, come on, Fallon, this was hardly an experiment. I didn’t expect this to happen to us, it just did, and you know it. I don’t regret it. I don’t, and I wouldn’t change anything … but I always knew it would come to this.”
“Oh, my god, she got into your head that fast? So, they are going to take you, and you’re going to let them. You’re going to leave me here all alone, without once thinking about what this would do to me?”
“Regardless, I’m a dead man, Fallon! Stop kidding yourself. You knew it was me who killed everyone. Johnny, Tom, Jury,for fucks sake, River Harrison. I probably killed the town’s precious Beth Clayton too, and the list goes on, a long string of deaths before you even arrived. But deep down, you have always known it was me. You knew, and you were still the one who—” I paused, shaking my head, standing over her now, pressing my finger into my chest, “Youwere the one who foundme!Youtalked to me!Youkissed me!You. Fucked. Me, Fallon! This is your fault as much as it is mine! What was it exactly you were expecting? That my coven wouldn’t punish me? That the town would just pretend nothing happened to these people? No, Fallon, it doesn’t work like that. Either way, the Order will eventually find out what I did. It was never going to end well for me!”
Fallon looked up at me with striking, glassy eyes bouncing between mine, her brows bunched together. I sucked in a breath, tried to calm my slamming heart before I continued, “The town thrives on balance. I’ve always known the day would come after the shit I did. I never deserved to live another day past the day I killed Johnny, but something beyond magic let me keep living them, and perhaps to meet you, perhaps to at least break the curse for the Heathens, to redeem my soul before the earth took it. I don’t fucking know, but it was always a matter of time, and … fuck!DamnJulian Blackwell for just wanting to be with you a little while longer!”
“Your mother got into your head!” She pushed her fingers through her hair. “You let her get into your head like they’ve all been doing all these years,” she whispered, looking up at me as she stood from the couch with disgust. “No, I know you, Julian. I know you, and I know if you had a choice, you wouldn’t have done any of those things. You’re good, Julian. You’re so good. That’s not you. That’s not you! How could she? Your own mother called you a monster!”
“BECAUSE I AM!”
Fallon continually shook her head, not seeing things for what they were.
“No, you’re not! Have you ever once stopped to think that you’re not the darkness and everyone else is? Julian, over and over and over, they repeatedly broke you down with these words, for I don’t know how long, to keep you exactly where they wanted you. To keep you tamed. To steal your voice. Your confidence.Youtaught me that!” She looked up at me, her eyes wild and alive. “Monster! Heathen! Murderer!A hollow fucking thing, LOOK AT YOU!”
“Fallon, stop,” I gritted out, and she shoved her palms against my chest.
“No,” she tilted her head, “That’s what, Julian? Twenty-something years of you letting them define you?” she mocked, using my words against me and pissing me off. “You became everything they said you were, but thanks to you, at least I fought back! When will you stand up for yourself instead of letting yourlittle sisterdo it for you?”
I grabbed her delicate neck and yanked her into my heaving chest, my blood boiling. “I don’t have that luxury.”
Fallon’s jaw clenched. She grabbed my forearm. “Says who?” she whispered against my hold. My eyes bounced between her fierce ones, and she laid her hand over my scarred torso. “How didthishappen, Julian? Does yourcovendo this to you?”
My jaw tightened, muscles tensed. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Of course, you won’t tell me.” Fallon laughed, but it was as hollow as me. “It’s clear, from the moment you were born, the whole town cast you aside. They did this to you! And you weren’t made for this, Julian, you weren’t! You have so much love and passion for your coven, you were born to lead it, bring it back to how it used to be like you said in your story. Not becomethisand hide in these woods. You are better than them!”
My heart clenched in my chest. My eyes glossed over, blurred. I couldn’t blink, afraid of what may come out if I did.
