I continued my journey, her entire body shuddering when my fingers brushed her sex, and her thighs broke apart under my silent command. Mia’s eyes fluttered, and a breath caught in her throat as my eyes drifted down her torso. My heart hammered, and her tender core starved to be kissed.
I crawled between her legs and up her torso until my nose grazed hers. My mouth moved down to her neck to kiss the spot below her ear just once. “The first time we made love,” I whispered over her throat. “I asked something of you before it happened. What did I ask you to do?”
Mia’s back arched, and her nipples grazed my chest before she said, “You wanted me to remember the moment and the way you made me feel.”
“Yes,” I grinned, moving my mouth back to hers, “hold on to this too.”
And we made love that night like every other night, and though I was unable to hide the way my heart danced to our last song, she would never notice or see the difference. I’d never held back when it came down to the two of us, and Mia always had the power over me. My other half—my strength.
The girl was a design, a form of art. Painters, musicians, nor novelists could capture or mimic the way she lit galaxies beneath my flesh or make my heart beat to the tune ofRiver Flows in You. Even the most talented would be jealous of the way she moved like paint across my skin into my bloodstream. For over two years, I’d poured her through every line, word, and syllable of poetry, but could never get it just right.
An absolute wonder.
I’d spent the last few years falling in love with her, and I could die easy knowing Mia Rose was strong enough on her own. She never needed anyone. It was true, I’d pushed her to bring her back, but she’d always been the one to save herself. Perhaps that was my purpose in this lifetime with Mia, to remind her the struggle and fight along the way could be just as beautiful as the freedom she’d find once I was gone because … we were once together, and it was beautiful.
It was Christmas day,and we had a full house earlier for a gift exchange with Lynch, Travis’s family, Jake, and Liam. Smiles and laughter had filled the room as everyone enjoyed my famous hot chocolate, and the Christmas music Mia played on the piano. Nearing the end, Jake and Lynch had teamed up for a game of charades, both pissed off a shared bottle of spiced eggnog. How the two of them won had been beyond me.
After everyone left, a Mazzy Star song blessed the speakers, interrupting the Christmas vibes. Mia shrieked from the kitchen and ran toward me in a snowflake printed red sweater and leather pants, forcing me off the couch. “Dance with me,” she asked, and she never had to ask twice. I pushed the coffee table out of the way, and we danced in our living room in front of the fire, the colored lights from our Christmas tree glimmering in her eyes. “When can I give you my present?”
We’d talked about this. I’d told Mia not to spend heaps of dosh on me, then she had mentioned the first year was paper. I’d told her it was for anniversaries, not Christmas, but Mia never liked to follow the rules, and my heart had clenched at the thought of not making it to our first anniversary, so I’d agreed. Paper it was.
With her arms wrapped around my shoulder and an eager smile tugging on her lips, I went to open my mouth when my phone chimed.
The air grew thick. My stomach turned at the slight sound, and I tucked my hand into the front pocket of my pants to retrieve my phone and held it out to the side.
My mobile lit up.It’s go time. The three simple words across the screen paralyzed me.
My eyes wouldn’t move from the screen, and a beating struck in my ears. My fist clenched, and my pulse ticked from the pads of my fingers against the phone.
“Ollie, what is it?” Mia asked, but her voice sounded distant, lost as my insides screamed.
The room spun, Mazzy played, and it felt as if the entire cottage was submerged in water.
“Ollie?” Mia asked again, touching my face.
Her tiny hand clutched my chin to move my eyes back to hers, and I wet my dry lips before swallowing the agony back down. “I,” I paused to clear my throat of emotions, “I have to go.” It came out as a question.Did I have to go?
Of course, I had to go. It was the only way to keep her safe.
“Now?” Mia tilted her head with a frown. “It’s Christmas.”
“Believe me when I say, I don’t want to. It’s the absolute last thing I want to do, love. But I don’t have a choice.” I forced a smile, and it took every bit of effort. Mia studied my expression, seeing straight through it. I averted my gaze and lifted her arm from around my shoulder to bring her palm to my lips, pressing a kiss inside. “I have to go change.”
I left her standing there in the living room to make my way toward the bedroom. The only thing keeping me sane and steady was the fact she’d be safe and free. It was the only thought chanting inside my head over and over while I quickly changed into a pair of black jeans, a white tee, and a black hoodie. Hopping on one leg, I pulled my black boots on in the doorway to look out into the living room. Mia was busy dragging the coffee table back in place and picking up mugs from the side tables, cleaning, which she rarely ever did. This time, I’d left the gun under the mattress for Mia in case she needed protection, hoping she’d never have to use it. I hurried to the antique wardrobe to retrieve a letter I’d written for her, the second gun Travis had gotten this week, and a box of bullets.
My eyes darted back and forth around the wardrobe toward the door, catching Mia folding a blanket and laying it over the couch, and my shaky hands slid bullets into the magazine. I’d do whatever it took to come home to her, and this time, I was going in fully loaded. After making sure the safety was on, I tucked the gun behind me and closed the drawers.
Mia was in the kitchen, her back to me, and I paused mid-step on my way to her, only to spin back around to breathe. Oxygen turned scarce, scattering in and out from between my lips as my stomach twisted into knots. With one swipe of my palm down my face, I collected the tears and dropped my head back in search of any strength left within me before turning back around.
My hands clutched Mia’s hips, whirling her around to face me. I held her face in my hands, and she said nothing with glassy golden eyes. Naturally, my body leaned into hers, pinning her to the counter, and I closed my eyes to inhale through my nose. The distinct aroma of jasmine after it rained, and I ingrained it into my soul.
I tucked the strand behind her ear before kissing her, my lips latching on to hers, and my mouth moved softer, my tongue grazed slower, and my lips sucked harder, holding on for longer than I should have before reluctantly pulling away. Our noses brushed before our foreheads connected. “I’ll always be in love with you, Mia,” I said, grazing my thumbs over her cheeks and down her pouty lip. “Remember your promise?”
“Don’t wait up for you,” she whispered, and I nodded against her. Mia released a breath and wrapped her arms around my waist above the weapon, not noticing. “Do you remember your promise to me?” she asked, blinking up to me.
“You’re not losing me,” I lied, because it was the only way, and pressed my lips against her forehead before leaving her arms to head toward the door, my heart warning me.
“Hey, Ollie,” she called out once my hand landed on the doorknob, and I froze by the sound of my name upon her lips. I didn’t turn back around, I mentally couldn’t do it, and her voice traveled between us. “I love you too.”
