“Come on, let’s get inside. You’re shaking,” I stripped off my jacket and wrapped it around Mia before we got into the car.
The heat cranked on high as I drove around the car park for a few minutes to get acquainted with driving on the opposite side. Mia laughed, and it was the first time I’d heard her laugh in a while. Possibly Dean was all wrong. Maybe he didn’t have it all figured out, and Mia and I could stay exactly like this for the rest of our lives.
“You got this!” Mia praised at my side, I took her hand and drove out of the lot and onto a busy street.
I don’t got this, and you have no idea why.
After going through a drive-thru, I entered the highway to our next destination. Mia ordered assorted pastries and a hazelnut coffee, eating every single one before passing out beside me. Last night, I’d heard her soft cries all hours of the night. She had to be exhausted, and I was too.
The entire ride, she’d slept in a curled ball to my right with my arm hanging over her leg, my large hand snug between her thighs. I didn’t want to let go as she murmured incoherent slurs in her sleep, and my lips twitched to smile.
We made it four hours later, thanks to traffic, and I pulled the car against the curb and put the gear into park. Mia was still sleeping at my side, drooling into my jacket. I had no clue how she was going to react to this, and I unbuckled my seatbelt, leaned over the console, and pushed the hair from her face. “Jett,” I whispered.
Her eyes blinked open. “Where are we?”
“There’s something you have to know.” I didn’t know how to string the words together for her to understand. I’d never been good with words, that was Master’s territory—the overnight poet, who was probably pounding into unfamiliar pussy as we speak. At this very moment, Masters was probably making girls fall in love with him with his fucking words, partying, drinking, smiling, and laughing at the rest of us. I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing I was about to destroy the rest of her too. “I’d made a mistake. I should’ve never taken you. It was cruel, selfish even.”
Mia sat up, her stringy brown hair whipped against her sticky face as she turned her head and looked at the surroundings. “My dad’s?” she whispered, recognizing the street we were on. “You took me back to my dad’s?” Her glossy brown eyes narrowed at me. “Start the car, Ethan! I’m never going back there. I’m not getting out of this car!”
Her dad, the only man she’d trusted for over ten years, had dropped her off at Dolor two years ago. Here I was, the man she’d finally trusted again since I’d taken her from that place, dropping her arse right back off at her dad’s. Full fucking circle. “Yes, you are.”
“No!” Tears puddled in her eyes. “Drive!” her fist pounded on the dashboard, and her movements became frantic. “Drive the fucking car!”
I rubbed my hands up and down my face, trying to pull it together. I couldn’t stop now. I had to see this through. “You’re getting out whether you like it or not. I’ll drag your arse up that driveway by your fucking hair, do you understand me?” My voice broke, and I swallowed the tears back down, “I don’t want you anymore. I made a colossal mistake. You were a bigfuckingmistake.”
Mia’s eyes locked on mine, and she tilted her head as if she was seeing right through me. “You don’t mean that.”
Of course, I didn’t. But if Mia didn’t get out of the car within the next two seconds, I’d be afraid I would never have the strength to do right by her again. “Oh, I’m very certain, Jett. You will only drag me down.”
Her fist connected with my face, sending my head back.
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. A ringing blasted inside my ears and I shook my head until my vision righted again. She busted my lip, and the warm copper taste slipped past my gums. I wiped my lip with the back of my hand, accessing the damage. I didn’t expect that. Perhaps a slap, but not a punch.
I forced a laugh. “You hit like a fucking girl.”
“Really? Because you’re the only pussy in this car,” she seethed. “Every day we’ve been together, you’ve done nothing but remind me how no one gives a shit about me. How everyone lied, but you’re the biggest liar of them all. You can’t even be honest with yourself! Look at you, Ethan! You’re fucking pathetic. I’ll keep your secret. I’ll take it to my grave, but I’ll never let you fuck with my head again.”
“I never fucked with your head, Jett,” I laughed, “That was all you. You were always fucked up to begin with.” I knew what would hurt her the most, and I had to say it. “No wonder Masters left your arse the first chance he got. I’m not making the same mistake.”
Mia’s hand clenched into a fist as her chin trembled. If she was about to hit me again, I was more prepared this time. But she never did. Instead, she drew in a shaky breath, wiped her eyes, and got out of the car, barefoot in homeless attire. She didn’t even turn back for a second glace, and it took all restraint to not get out of the car and run after her, to apologize for everything I’d said because I didn’t mean any of it.This is the right thing, I repeated over and over in my head.One day she’ll forgive you for this.
I peeled off the street, driving my foot into the gas before I’d have a chance to change my mind. Nausea hit me like a tsunami, colliding with an angry coastline, and I slammed my palms against the steering wheel over and over. My vision darkened from the maddening monster inside me, and a scream ripped through my throat as my cheeks shook.
“I love you, Mia,” I screamed inside the car to absolutely no one. “I’m letting you go because it’s the right thing to do. Because I won’t let the monster fucking win!” The words meant for Mia’s ears flew out of me until my throat went hoarse, crying for the first time since I’d killed Haden Charles.
Goodbye, Mia.
I fucking knew it,and my mind has been spinning since I’d left Thurrock. I’d returned to Surrey two hours later because, at first, I’d headed straight for an airport, then realized after approaching the ticket counter, I had absolutely nothing on me. Both my passport and identification weren’t with me, but back here at the motel.
There was no time for a shower, but I smelled like I’d come from a strip joint. I was in and out within two minutes and changed into something more presentable, something Mia could recognize, grey joggers, a basic white shirt, and a black hoodie. With my mind elsewhere, my hands grabbed clothes from Mia’s suitcase, stuffing them into a backpack.Did she have clothes? What has she been wearing this entire time?
When I’d called Bruce a few hours ago, he had said she wasn’t there, that he hasn’t heard from her. But there was no other reason I could think of for Scott to fly into New York City, a little under three hours away from Mia’s dad’s house.
The last two weeks felt like a never-ending chase after her, but if it meant spending the rest of my life looking, I would do it.
The flight had been fifteen hours long, and I arrived in New York at three in the morning. After my first step out of the airport and into the city that never sleeps, a repulsive stench of pollution, stagnant water, and rude and tired faces greeted me. I waited patiently on the curb, holding my arm out in the air to call a taxi, and when the yellow car pulled up, a lady in a black business suit shouldered past me and slid into the backseat.
By five, I was on the road in a small silver hatchback rented at Alamo, en route to Bushkill, Pennsylvania. It had been the only place open at that hour, and I’d taken whatever was available.
