“Because you are hyper-sensitive, the medication also affects you more intense than others,” Conway continued, “I don’t know how much lee-way I have in lowering your dosage or getting you off it entirely, but in my honest opinion, you shouldn’t be on it. This medication isn’t going to help, it’s only going to hinder. Let me see if I can make a few phone calls. Until then, try to stay out of trouble.”
“I understand. Thank you.” I meant every word.
“And Oliver?” Looking back up, she leaned over and grabbed my gaze. “If you don’t walk out of here with Mia, know there are other fish in the sea.”
In an instant, my smile faded. “You don’t get it. Mia is the sea.”
“It’s crazy, mate. This book explains me to a T.” I flipped another page over and scanned over the words. The book she recommended wasn’t in the library, but I did find another regarding emotional intensity. “Know despair, but also beauty and rapture? Check. Experience emotions at an unparalleled level of depth and complexity? Check. Constant overflow of both negative and positive feelings? Check. Strong emotional connection with certain people? Fucking check.”Mia. I tapped the page with the back of my hand. “I can get through this without the pills, my friend. I only need to identify what I can physically and mentally handle.”
Zeke smiled.
I grinned and jumped to my feet. “I can’t wait any longer. I have to go find Mia before group therapy.”
If vultures hadn’t been surrounding us, I’d show her how I truly felt back in the hall when she had confronted me. I’d wanted to hold her, to kiss her. All I had wanted to do was grab her by the hand and runaway with her. I’d seen the look in her eyes. In an instant, she had forgotten everything I’d done, forgave me, and looked my demons square in the eyes and accepted every side I’d been so scared to show her—all in one look.
My entire body vibrated under the single thought of her.
I missed that fucking feeling.
Zeke ran to the door and stretched his arms out, shaking his head. I rolled my head back. “Step aside, mate.” His hands moved vigorously, and it became hard to keep up with his movements. “I’m good,”—I raised my palm in the air, showing steady hands— “I won’t even touch her. Just want to see her.”
mia.
“Mia?”
I snapped my attention to my left. “hmm?”
“Progress?” Arty repeated with raised brows.
“Oh, right … ” The only progress I’d made this week was the continuous loss of relationships. Why did Ethan have to push things to the next level? Why couldn’t he keep things the way they were? Everything had been fine with us. “I don’t know. None.”
In the last half hour, I’d managed to avoid all eye contact with Ollie. If our eyes locked, his force would break all barriers, revealing the regret and shame hiding within them from what had happened with Ethan. And his eyes were on me this very moment, calling me, screaming for me, begging for me to see him.
I feel you, Ollie.
A tingle in my bones.
“There’s got to be something,” Arty pushed.
“Pass.”
“Setbacks?” Ollie asked, announcing himself in the room. He needed me to acknowledge him sitting across from me, but I clamped my mouth shut and kept my eyes facing the marble.
A few snickers echoed throughout the circle, yet Ollie’s shift in his chair was the loudest. He lowered his hand and snapped his finger, calling for my attention, but I refused and bit my lip to fight the shame from spilling from my eyes.
The rest of group therapy carried on in the same manner, me staring at the ground and biting the inside of my cheek. Once Arty dismissed us, I jumped up and blew past the circle to make it out the door first and down the stairs.
I hadn’t made it past the third-floor bathroom when I was yanked back by my belt loop and pulled through a door. I kept my head down and fixed my eyes on Ollie’s black Vans as the tears pooled at the corner of my eyes. He stood before me, fists clenched at his sides, already preparing for the worst. Heat emitted from him and his breathing stopped.
Then his fingers stretched out as he let out a long exhale.
“Dammit, Mia. Look at me.” I snapped my head up and faced the music. A fire burned in his eyes, and his nostrils flared. Then as if that one look sedated him, Ollie’s shoulders dropped beneath his black hoodie, and he leaned into me, his body remembering me. Calm. Relieved. Revived. Hopeful green eyes examined mine, and he wet his busted lip. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“Ollie, I—
