“We will hold a vigil tonight after dinner for Haden and Livy,” Ms. Chandler finished up as Dr. Conway gathered her materials. “It is not mandatory, but we expect your respect at the very least.”
After dinner, Tyler, Bria, and I walked side by side across the lawn toward the dimly lit lights in the center. The burnt orange sky bled across the starry canvas as night fell. Jude stood beside Liam, while Jake kept a distance on the other side of the circle—eyes wandering back and forth from the center to Liam.
Maddie giggled behind me as she walked up with Ollie by her side.
“That’s annoying,” Bria whispered beside me.
I shrugged and allowed the quietness to take over the moment.
A few students said words about Haden. No one said anything about Livy. No one knew Livy. My sights landed on Ethan, who stood off in the distance—caught in a daze and lost in another place, another time. His face was a mask, shielding his thoughts, saying nothing though his fingers wrapped around his belt, knuckles turning white.
“I’ll be right back,” I said quietly to the girls.
I slipped out of the circle unnoticed and stood beside Ethan. His attention remained forward, and we both looked down at the circle from the top of the hill. Grabbing his hand from his belt, I pulled our linked hands behind him, and he let out a long breath and closed his eyes.
We stood like that for the rest of the vigil—his lips parted, his breathing uneven, and my comfort hidden from the rest of the world. But it was what he needed.
The wind blew, flickering the candles the staff were holding.
Words were done being spoken, but the sudden quiet was the loudest. Ollie looked up with narrowed eyes and a pained expression at the two of us.
Then the clouds parted, and rain broke out.
The circle scattered as students ran up the hill toward the school, but Ethan and I were frozen in place, his hand squeezing mine from behind him, unwilling to let go.
“Let’s get on with headcount,” another security guard said as he approached, eyeing Ethan’s demeanor.
Ethan released my hand and returned his eyes to the security guard, speaking up for the first time within the last twenty minutes. “I’m right behind you, Jerry.”
Jerry gave me a nod under the falling sky before leaving as the rest of the students blew past us in a frenzy.
Ethan turned to look at me.
“You don’t have to say anything, I know,” I said. It was hard for him to admit when he needed someone, let alone say thank you. But with me, he never had to.
Ethan’s eyes twitched away toward where the circle used to stand and back to me, “You have five minutes before you’re back in your dorm room.” My gaze landed where Ethan’s gaze just left to see Ollie standing at the bottom of the hill with his back to us. “Five minutes, Jett.”
It had been over a month now since Ollie and I had spoken, not counting our time in the shower because we hardly uttered two words.
I walked toward Ollie. He’d stripped off his hoodie and was down to his white tee which was soaked and clinging to his wet skin. His bird tattoos were visible as they crawled up his back from his side, and he hung his head as I approached. “Are you fucking him?” his tone clipped and his focus off in the distance.
“No,” I immediately said and took a step out in front of him.
He lifted his passive gaze to me and tilted his head as he clutched his hoodie in his fist. “Are you lying to me?”
“No.”
He let out an exhale and blinked raindrops away. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know … No … I don’t think I am.”
Ollie looked away and shook his head as a clap of thunder broke the silence. “I hate this,” he stated, undisturbed by the weather around us. “Dammit, Mia … I fucked up bad. I did so—
Silencing him, I grabbed his wrist. “Please, I don’t want to know.”
“I miss you,” he said harshly. “I miss you so fucking much it hurts.” His brows snapped together as he clenched his fist tighter. “Do you remember how we felt? Are you hurting from constantly thinking about me the way I am about you, or do you have someone else to ease it? Do I ever fucking cross your mind at all? Because I can’t help but think I’m going through this alone.”
I blinked the rain from my lashes as I looked at him wordlessly.
