“No, you can’t do this…” both his hands gripped his beanie as he paced back and forth.
“I can’t see you like this. You can’t show up in my room. You can’t sit with me in the mess hall. You can’t mess with my head. You stay away for a year, and when we leave, I’ll give you my life. But don’t drag me down before then, Ollie. You may be able to climb your way out, but it took me eleven years to get here.”
Ollie rushed in front of me. “Because of me!” he painfully said with a shaken finger pointed at his chest. “You beat me up for six months, and I accepted you at your absolute worst because I fucking love you, yet you won’t do the same for me?”
Of course, I would do the same for him, I’d do anything for him. But I couldn’t say that. If I agreed to sit back and allow him to treat me this way, for him to plant more images inside my head, ones I could never shake away, like kissing girls, pushing and pulling me in all directions, making snide comments, or worse … I didn’t know if I could ever recover from it. In the end, he would expect forgiveness while I withered away in his aftermath.
“That’s not fair. I wasn’t on meds messing with my head. You are.”
“Let me get this straight. So, you’re up here,” Ollie said with a finger pointing up in the air, “and you forgot to take me with you,” another tear fell down his face as his chin trembled, “You lost your bloody grip on me.”
“I never lost my grip. You slipped!” It was my turn to cry, but my tears didn’t come out as easily as the guy standing before me. Mine struggled, each one a painful remainder of the words he left me with seven months ago. “No matter what, as long as you stay away from me until we leave here, I’ll still belong to you.”
“This is ridiculous,” Ollie wiped his face into his sleeve and drew in a deep breath, “I can’t stay away from you.”
“It’s the only way this will work. What you did in the hallway broke me. Seeing you kiss Maddie killed me even more. I can’t sit back and watch. There will be nothing left of me after the year is done. It’s the only way, Ollie. You have to stay away from me.”
Ollie’s face twisted, unable to comprehend what I’d said. His green eyes strayed from mine as if looking at me was too painful and ran a palm down his face, turning his back to me. “Dammit, Mia,” he managed to get out through each struggling breath. His palms hit the bookshelf as he leaned over and hung his head. “Are you so goddamn selfish, you don’t care what you’re doing to me right now?”
My head shook as I took a step back.
“What are you waiting for?” Ollie’s palms hit the bookshelf before he straightened his posture. He spun around to face me and slapped himself in the chest. “Go on and finish me off!”
Tears streamed down my face. “What do you mean?”
“You just broke my fucking heart, and yet you’re still standing there. The least you can do is grant me the favor of finishing me off by walking away because you know I can’t so much as breathe without you. So, fucking leave!” He pointed toward the exit fixing bloodshot, challenging eyes on me. “Go!”
Everything inside me wanted to comfort him, but it would only undo the purpose of this. The only reason I’d pushed him away was because I was weak and scared. For over eleven years, I was dead. If his destruction brought me back to that place, I didn’t know if either one of us could survive this year. In the process of protecting myself, I risked the chance of losing him. Knowing losing him was a possibility already had regret coursing through me.
I turned and ran through the maze back toward the entrance of the library on legs I could no longer feel beneath me.
Ollie’s words from last year circled in my brain,“as long as I don’t stray too long or far, I always find my way back.”At the time, he had been talking about getting lost in the library, but I silently prayed the same would go for me.
Though after the pain I just caused him, I wasn’t so sure I deserved his love at all.
Before I reached the door, a hand gripped my wrist and spun me around.
“Right now,” Ollie breathlessly said, pulling me away from the door. “I’ll stay away for a year, but I want you right now.” His unforgiving hands grabbed my face, and his thumbs swept the tears staining my cheeks before he crashed his lips to mine.
ollie.
MIA WANTED A YEAR without me, but I was taking right now with her. A slow-burning rage filled me, and I needed to fill her to release it. Be inside her. Smother this anger with our connection. Subtle moans came from her throat, and I relished in it. Though we always fought for control, right now was my time, and she eventually surrendered to me, knowing it was what I needed.
I grabbed her plump, pouty lip between my teeth as I walked her backward into the desk. In one quick and precise swipe, I cleared the desk clean of all clutter—even the monitor fell over, but neither one of us cared as I lifted her eagerly off the floor and over the edge of the aged wood.
Mia’s hands pulled off my beanie, and her nails dragged up my scalp, only stimulating my need for her, kissing her harder in a silent cry for connection. She let me undress her. Perfect, round breast bounced free. I reluctantly pulled away from our kiss to see her as my heart hammered inside its cage.
Unclothed and perfect, she sat before thousands of books we’ve run past, and I etched every detail of hers into my brain. Her hair, twisted with dark and light shades, fanned around her oval face. Ivory skin glowed against the colorful bindings, and big, golden-brown eyes lit up as she looked at me as if I was the only man worthy of this moment with her.
She leaned back on her hands while we both panted in unison from our taunting separation. My sight touched every inch of her skin, her desperate eyes watching me do it. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Mia asked. She tilted her head to the side with a small curve of her lips beside her tear-stained cheeks.
“It’s been eight months, love, and you expect me to stay away for another ten. I need to hold on to right now for as long as possible.” I slowly withdrew my shoes, jeans, and boxers as if we had no other place to be.
“And how do you suppose you’re going to do that?”
After spreading her legs apart, mine buckled and, like a feind, I was back on my knees. “We’re taking our fucking time.” My eyes drifted up her curves and back to hers. “I’m not going to make you remember me, Mia. I’m going to make it where you can’t remember anything else.”
Mia’s small smile was enough to engulf me in a windstorm of feelings, bringing me back to where we were before.
