Mia...
Over three hours had passed before my eyes sprang to life. Rolling into a sitting position over the side, I ran my palms through my shorter hair and down my face. Every cell, muscle, and vein pounded against my skull as the rest of my body shivered in the bitter abandonment of Mia and the pills.
I could only choose one.
The pills were a necessary evil right now.
But Mia was my endgame.
I tilted my head, and the room swayed around me as I tried to find the clock. Dinner was almost over. Bringing myself to my feet, I jumped up and down on my toes to bring myself to life and wake the fuck up.
The last thing I wanted was for her to see me like this, but we didn’t have much time. It wouldn’t be long before I’d be back to the heartless asshole, and right now, all I wanted was to see her eyes. I needed to make sure she was still with me. I wanted to feel her touch, kiss her lips, and have her eyes on me. My feelings for her flowed from my pumping heart to the rest of my body, screaming out for her.
On the verge of an utter breakdown, I left the dorm and shuffled down the hall, looking like hell, I was sure. The closer I made it to the mess hall, the more my nerves twisted with bashing thoughts.Did she hate me? Did she forget about me? Did she ever want to see me again after Iall-knowinglypushedher away?
It wasn’t me that day. She had to have known that.
With every step closer to the mess hall, my soul felt like it was one step ahead of me, leaving my body only wanting to be closer to hers. Adrenaline pumped, keeping my body up with my eager soul.
I paused just before the entryway and leaned my shoulder against the separating wall, keeping my eyes on the swirling marble below and drawing in a deep breath.
I turned the corner, counted to three, and looked up.
My eyes immediately went to her.
A full smile appeared on her face, and her beautiful brown eyes squinted as she waved whatever Jake said away with her hand. A million emotions filtered through me, and my hand fell over the wall to hold me steady from the chaotic rush. It all happened at once, everything I’d told her about—the air left my lungs, an ache pierced my heart, the pounding in my head, the lightning in my eyes. I screwed my eyes shut, thinking it would keep me from falling apart, but it was no use. When I opened them again, she found me from across the room and tears sprang in my eyes.
Her entire expression changed, no longer smiling and laughing like she was moments before, and it was because of me. Mia stumbled to her feet, and I pushed off the cement, wanting to run to her, but needed her alone.
She would follow me.
Turning, I walked in the opposite direction to the community bathroom where we first exchanged words almost a year ago. My hands shook as my body drained with each step until I was behind the door. My back fell against the tile near the door.
She would come.
Then the door opened, and my body reacted instantly. My arms wrapped around Mia’s waist, pulling her into me. Her smell whipped around my senses, the scent of coconut blended with jasmine in the spring rain.
Her face pressed against my chest as she held me tight, her small shoulders shook as she cried silently in my shirt. The last thread holding me together snapped and I broke down. My breath released in a staggered rush and tears outpoured as my cheek pressed against her head.
My nervous hand ran through her hair and held the back of her head, pinning her against me.Perfection. I kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her wet cheek. Her grip around me tightened, and my hands moved to the sides of her face, and I tilted her chin to see her eyes.
Golden-brown and beautiful.
“Mia … I’m…” I tried to get the words out, but my emotions strangled me. Her eyes shined like glass, and her chin trembled as tears freely spilled from the corners. She held on so tight, but we weren’t close enough.
We could never be close enough.
Our lips crashed, and my body instantly let off the wall, wanting to merge with her. With the familiarity of her scent and taste, my soul fed on her, satisfying its only deprivation—Mia. But just as quickly as she pulled me together, she pulled away from me, and her hand came across, striking my face.
My face didn’t feel it, but my heart sure did.
She stood before me, her eyes mixed with emotion and her bottom lip shaking.
“Seven months!” she cried out, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?” My head shook, and I took a step forward, but she backed away from me, and that small distance she created cut deeper. “I let my guard down for you, I loved you with everything, and in the end, you…” her palms hit my chest, and I did nothing but take the beating, “I was on my knees, Ollie, then you pulled everything out from under me and for seven months I crawled through every fucking memory and every empty promise!”
Each word penetrated me, tore me open worse than her hands on me. Over the last seven months, I had been able to get by without her because I was already dead inside. Yet, I helped her destroy her walls for me only to leave her unarmed.
And the way I left stripped her of the belief I created for us.
