My eyes closed to see tattoos, green eyes, and an alluring smile when finally, my body reacted. “You’re so wet,” Liam whispered as he pressed his finger inside me. My eyes stayed shut as moments with Ollie clouded every thought, taking me away from what was actually happening. I had to get past this.
Liam gripped my hips as he thrusted inside from behind. He moaned as his body relaxed against me, but shortly after, a need for more of me propelled him into madness. “You feel so good,” he grunted, and I ignored each comment he made thereafter. I’d heard them all before.You feel so good. You’re so tight. You’re so sexy. None of the comments ever did anything for me. I wanted silence.
Liam liked it hard and fast and grunted with each pump as I pretended to enjoy it for his sake. It was better for the both of us. The sooner he got off, the sooner this would be over, and after about four minutes of mental misery, it was.
He pulled out and rested his hands over the table as guilt immediately invaded me. “That was good, yeah?” His breath struggled to catch up. I pushed off the table and gathered my clothes from around us. “Hey, where you off to in such a hurry?”
I grabbed my bra off the floor and put it on as my eyes searched for my shirt in the dark. “I need to get some coursework done.”Shower. I needto shower.
“You’re such a bloke, Mia. Usually, I’m the one bolting after situations like this. Kind of hurts my feelings.”
I pulled the shirt over my head. “You’ll survive.” And I left him alone in the dark room with his pants still pulled down to his thighs.
If I had a dollar for every time I’d put myself in those situations—okay, maybe not a dollar, more like ahundred-dollarbill—then I would have been rich. Sex didn’t mean anything to me, but for some reason, sex with Liam conceived a guilt only growing larger with each step back to my dorm.
With a new pair of shorts and a random shirt in hand, I reached the shower, and the shame and remorse of what I’d done completely took me over. I cursed at myself under the running warm water as it attempted to wash away my crime, but no matter how long I stayed under the faucet, the guilt of my sin would not dissipate.
When I exited the shower, I trashed my panties, the only evidence left of the mistake with Liam.Never again.
“I did something stupid.” I shook my head as if it could erase what had happened, and glanced back up at Zeke, who stared back with a blank face. “I had sex with Liam.”
Zeke’s young features didn’t change, so I continued, “Before, I only put myself in those situations thinking it would switch me back to normal, and even afterward when it didn’t work, it still didn’t bother me. But now I’m bothered.Shit. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. You understand what I’m trying to say?” Though there were more muscles in the human face than in the rest of the body, Zeke hadn’t moved a single one of them.
I twisted my neck to look behind me, and saw Liam observing me from across the room. He pulled his stupid lip between his teeth, and my stomach twisted into knots as I forced down bile threatening to come up. “Dear Lord, what was I thinking? Here”—I pushed my dinner tray in front of Zeke—”I lost my appetite. You can have my cookie if you want.”
Zeke stared at me from across the table, unmoving.
“Why are men so predictable? For once, can someone surprise me? Like you, for instance.” I leaned back in the chair. “Yes, you don’t talk, and I know no matter what I say, you’ll sit there and stare at me with those big brown eyes of yours. That much is predictable.” I let out a small laugh. “But I still have no idea what’s going through your head right now, and I like that about you.”
After folding my arms over the table, I laid my head down and found Ollie through the chaos. Ollie tilted his head until his eyes met mine. “Is it strange I pretended he was Ollie the whole time to get through it? I wonder what it would be like with Ollie, but we can never. He will be the one to destroy me, Zeke. I can feel it with him. I still can’t believe he kissed me in my room, then had the audacity to walk right out afterward.ThatI wasn’t expecting. Do you think he’s waiting for me to talk to him about it?”
I lifted my head to see Zeke eating my cookie, and I flashed him a lopsided grin. “Whoa, take it easy there, slugger. With all this movement, you might break something.”
Chapter Ten
“Don’t waste ink on girls who are oblivious of their beauty.
Write about the ones who know, but choose to ignore it.”
—Oliver Masters
THE NEXT MORNING, I found a paper slipped under my door. It read,skip breakfast & meet me in room 23 @ 8. The handwriting was in script with no indication as to who it was from. It was fifteen minutes ‘til, and it only took me half a second to decide my need to know who it was from trumped the option of ignoring it. I grabbed my weekend clothes consisting of shorts, Converse shoes, a plain gray tee with a deep V-neck, and a hoodie. My entire wardrobe consisted of whites, grays, and blacks, without a pop of color. Everything went with everything.
After my shower, I left my hair down to air dry. The ends hit just above my chest and had already grown half an inch since I’d been here. It looked darker than usual, but then again, I hadn’t been under the sun in over a month. I’d forgotten what the sun felt like against my skin, and wondered when I would feel it again—if this place didn’t kill me first. Any opportunity we had to go outside, the sun was either hidden behind gray clouds, or it was raining.
Room twenty-three was on the first floor. My shoes made no sound against the marble stairs as I stepped down, praying it wasn’t Liam waiting for me. After a sharp right-hand turn down a long hallway, my stride slowed when I spotted Ollie leaning against the wall with his foot propped, waiting for me at the end with a brown bag and two cups in hand.
Involuntarily, my body paused to take in the sight of him—and to breathe as if I couldn’t seem to do it all at once.
When his eyes met mine, a sleepy but charming smile appeared. The sun’s rays streamed through the windows as if the sun waited on his damn smile, and he dropped his head to hide his satisfaction. He styled his thick hair into its usual backward wave, and small pieces stuck out over his ears. He looked back up at me with a striking grin, and my pace picked up to get to him already—to get to the boy who’d made me punch a damn cement wall because, well, for once, I was ready to admit he’d gotten to me. And I’d never seen it coming.
“You’re late,” he said as I approached, and he handed over a drink. “I understand you Americans prefer your coffee over tea. I hope it’s how you like it.” By immediately taking a sip, I was able to both calm my nerves and conceal my smile. The coffee melted in my mouth and a small moan escaped my throat, and he flashed me a grin. “I honestly didn’t think you’d show.”
“Me neither.” Behind him was a tall wooden door arched into a half circle at the top. It looked misplaced, as if it didn’t belong. Everything else was like me, cold and without personality. But the door was warm and filled with history and character. “What’s this?”
Ollie took a side step and pointed to the sign readingLIBRARY room 23. “Come on, we’re just eating here, but this place is really cool. I think you’ll like it.”
The door creaked open as I stepped inside, and it wasn’t anything like I had expected. A small unattended desk stood in the middle of the floor, holding up a computer monitor belonging in the early ‘90s. Papers and books scattered across the old wooden desk, and I turned to Ollie behind me.
