He swallows thickly. “I know.”
“Don’t give me another reason to make my threats real.”
“I won’t.”
With that, I collapse onto the bags behind me and lay there, taking full breaths for the first time since this morning. I…I did it. I faced the three biggest rapids on this stretch of river and made it out the other side, upright and in one piece without any prior whitewater experience, and that feels…
I feel like something has changed inside me.
As always, my mind runs through the events of the morning, from my decently solid run in Big Drop 1, to dropping an oar in Big Drop 2 but getting hold of it in time to maneuver through the second half of the rapid. I think about how that last pull I did before going into Big Drop 3 was probably the one that brought me too far right and into that hole. How easily we could have flipped because of it, just like Mason did.
And I’m…okay.
My run was far from perfect. There are so many things I would do differently if I had another chance to run it. But as I lay here, soaked with river water and sweat, and the sun beating down on my face, all I feel is relief.
No panic.
Just relief and pride and so much respect for people who do this day after day.
“Derek?” As I look over, Hunter scrambles over rocks to where my boat floats on the shore, and I wonder if it took him this long to come over because he was in shock from falling in. He doesn’t look as much like a drowned rat as Brody does, but he has definitely looked better. “You good?”
His question makes me smile. He tried to be on the gear boat with me today, but Donovan wouldn’t let him. I’m surprised he didn’t fight harder, and I feel bad for the guy. Even if I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about him as well as Donovan. Funny—he would have been better off with me. “Areyougood?” I ask instead of answering his question.
He shrugs. “That’s not something I need to do again, but I’m fine. Are you…?”
I nod as warmth starts spreading back into my limbs.I did it. Going into it, I couldn’t see a win in my situation, but I still made it out the other side. Andeverything is okay. “My run could have been better,” I say softly, and my next words come from somewhere deep inside me, like they’ve been desperate to escape for a long time. I grin. “But nobody’s perfect, right?”
To my shock, tears fill Hunter’s eyes as he nods in return. He looks so relieved, like he’s been waiting for me to say that since the day he met me. “Right.”
No, I wasn’t perfect today, but I wasenough.
Exactly what Donovan needed me to be.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Donovan
Weeatlunchonthe shore below Big Drop 3 to give everyone a chance to rest, especially the six passengers in Mason’s boat. Thankfully, most of them seem to have no lasting trauma after swimming the rapid, but Brody looks pretty shell-shocked as he sits on a rock by himself. I’m not sure it’s entirely from falling into the river, and he hasn’t looked at me once.
Though he’s exhausted and deserves some time to himself, Derek keeps smiling as everyone asks him to recount his run, and I lose track of the number of times he tells the story.
Thewholestory. Mistakes and all.
I’ve found a seat next to Farah while I eat my sandwich, far enough from Derek’s fanclub to have some breathing room but close enough to hear everything he says, and I swear there’s something different abouthim. His smile looks completely natural, and even when he admits to pulling too far right at the top of Big Drop 3, there’s no sign of the anxiety I’ve come to expect from him. He’s owning his mistake instead of hiding from it, and that’s doing something to my heart.
I’ve always believed the river changes people, but I’ve never seen it happen like this. Derek faced a huge fear and seems better for it, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I could…
“How’s your wrist?” Farah asks me.
I can’t pull my gaze from Derek. Not when he starts laughing with Mason as they compare their runs. He’s so entirely beautiful and strong and charming and genuine. How am I supposed to say goodbye to him tomorrow? “It hurts,” I murmur, not sure I’m talking about my wrist.
I’m never going to meet anyone else like Derek. He makes me feel seen and important, and he doesn’t invalidate my fears even though I should have moved past them by now. The thought of leaving that behind and going back to my solitary life leaves an aching hole in my chest.
The thought of stepping into his spotlight still terrifies me.
But more than anything, that new light in his eyes makes me desperate to see where he goes from here. He was already amazing, but if he’s finally figured out how to move past his perfectionism, I don’t think anything in the world can stop him.
I want a front row seat to Derek’s future, even if I have no idea how to do that.
