“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say, and I suddenly feel numb. Like I’m no longer in my body. I thought I had escaped this part of my life, but I should have known that the moment I locked eyes with Derek Riley in that store in Moab was the moment it all caught up to me.
Derek exhales sharply. “Sorry? I owe you everything I have.”
I drop my head, shutting my eyes against my tears and a darkness that’s quickly swallowing me whole. “Including your demons.”
“I have my mom to thank for those. But you? Yousavedme, Donovan.”
His fingers find my chin and gently lift my face up, and for the first time it feels like he can actually see me. All of me. I’m stripped bare and vulnerable, but just like at the river’s edge, he seems to like what he sees. How? If he knows who I am, he knows what happened to me.
I don’t feel safe like I did before. I’m open and raw and have nothing to protect myself because he already tore down my walls, and now he’s taken my shield from me too.
“Derek,” I whimper. “I didn’t save you. Not if I’m the reason you have to deal with all the crap that comes with fame. Icondemnedyou!” I turn to run.
Derek grabs my arm, his hold gentle but firm. “No.”
“Yes!”
“Donovan, will you look at me?”
I shake my head as I wipe lingering tears from my cheeks.
Sighing, he slowly loosens his hold but keeps his fingers on my arm, as if he wants me to know that I can run but he won’t be far behind. “Trust goes both ways,” he murmurs. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
He can’t make that promise. Maybehewon’t hurt me, but that doesn’t change who he is. That spotlight that’s always shining on him isn’t going to go away, and if I step even an inch into that light, I won’t be able to hide anymore.
I almost lost this new life of mine when I trusted a man who hoped to earn a few bucks by selling my story, and I won’t make that mistake again. A simple gag order from my lawyer won’t withstand Derek’s level of fame.
When I don’t run—where would I go?—Derek shifts closer. I feel him more than I see him out of the corner of my eye, and my body still reacts to his nearness like it did in the water earlier, instinct telling me to lean against him. Instinct I fight with everything in me.
“What happened?” he asks softly. “Where did you go?”
I huff out a weak laugh and look back at him. “You didn’t read all the headlines?”
He frowns as if confused by my response. “I was seventeen. I was still trying to figure out the whole Hollywood thing when you vanished.”
As terrified as I am of the man in front of me, I wish I had known him then. He was getting started right as I was forced out, and I could have warned him to stay as far from that life as he could.
Except no, I wouldn’t have warned him.
I loved that life.
“Donovan, why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?” He folds his arms, staring me down with those piercing blue eyes of his. “Keep it a secret from everyone else, sure, but me? You…” He seems to be torn between laughing and growling in frustration. “You know exactly what it is to live my life.”
Which means I know exactly how it will eventually destroy him.
Maybe it won’t. Maybe he’s stronger than me. No, Iknowhe’s stronger than me, but he can only be strong for so long. He’s already exhausted from his need to be perfect all the time, and if he drags me into his life and tries to carry the burdens that come with my Hollywood story, like I know he will, they’re going to break him.
I can’t be the reason Derek Riley’s perfect life falls to pieces.
“Because we’re only going to know each other for six days,” I say, hating each word.
Derek’s brow furrows. “It doesn’t have to be that way.”
Grabbing the paddle, I hand it to him without looking at his face. “Yeah, it does.” Then I make my way back down the trail to camp, feeling entirely spent.
Right as I reach the kitchen, Hunter steps in my way, his eyes on the trail I just left. “Did you two just…” He shakes his head. “Never mind. Is he okay?”
“He’s fine.” I look back to make sure Derek didn’t follow me, a question bubbling up inside me. I’m exhausted and want a moment alone, but I have to know. “You’ve worked with him for a while, right?”
