“And it hasn’t gotten old?”
Okay, that’s a question I can answer. “No. I love being out here.”
“You belong in places like this.” He doesn’t say it as a question, which brings a sort of warmth to my chest.
I smile. “It doesn’t always have to be a river—I’m happy anywhere if I can be outside—but there’s something special about places like this.”
“You could do this your whole life? Take people out of their comfort zones and into the wilderness?”
“My Pops was still guiding rivers at eighty before we finally forced him to retire.” I chuckle at the memory, how angry he was when Spencer essentially fired him from his own company. I think deep down he knew his body couldn’t keep up with his soul, and he misses nights in the canyon like these. I look up, counting a few dozen twinkling lights overhead. Soon the whole sky will be filled with them. “He and I are very similar, and I think our souls are tied to the earth.”
It’s a sad thought; he likely won’t ever be in this canyon again.
I change the subject. “What about you? You have a few good years left before you lose your looks, but movies always need wrinkled old men.”
That gets a laugh out of him that makes the warmth in my chest grow stronger, reminding me that I should be keeping my distance. I’m asking for trouble, but curiosity keeps me rooted in place.
Derek runs a hand through his thick hair, amusement still on his face. “My friends would say you are very good for cutting down my ego, Donovan.”
His humility surprises me. This man has every right to have a massive ego, but I don’t think he does. Still, teasing him is too much fun. “Eventually you need to make room for rising stars and let the next generation take over,” I tell him. “People like Jonah James, you know?”
His jaw drops, almost comically. “Jonah James? Of all the… You know he’s literally the same age as me, right?”
“There’s no way he’s forty-five.”
Derek groans, but he’s smiling. “At this point you’re just being mean.”
Just in case he hasn’t figured out I’m fully messing with him, I put on an exaggerated thinking face and hope he can see it. “You’re what, thirty-nine?”
“Thirty-two. Consider my ego sufficiently bruised.”
“But really.” I bring one of my feet onto the seat of my chair, hugging my knee. “Think you’ll stay in acting?”
“Eh.” He scratches his jaw and looks up at the sky. “Maybe. I like what I do, but it…”
I should keep my mouth shut. “It wears on you?”
He nods as a weight seems to settle on his shoulders, leaving his expression almost mournful. “Not the movies, but the fame, you know? The constant scrutiny. My friends are all just as famous as me, but they’ve found ways to live outside the attention, and I haven’t figured that part out yet.”
I get the feeling this isn’t something he tells people on a regular basis; he looks like he’s confessing to the stars, not to me, and he’s hoping that the stars speak back.
A need to help him rises in my throat like it always does when someone comes on the river in search of answers, whether they know it or not. I’m a firm believer that nature can be powerful and even change lives, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from Pops is that sometimes nature needs a little help. I’ve lost count of the meaningful conversations I’ve had with guests over the years and the ways those conversations have changed those people, big and small.
But I don’t know how to balance fame and regular life, and I can’t be the one to guide Derek through his journey.
Swallowing my guilt, I fight for a way to lighten his load at the very least.
“Want my opinion?” I ask, leaning a little closer. It prompts him to lean in too, and I find myself smiling. “You’re way more famous than your friends, so you might be out of luck.”
Laughter creaks out of him, like it has to work through a few layers of self-pity before it can escape. “Fair point. But I was hoping for more…”
“More what?”
He shrugs, fixing his stare on me. “No advice for me?”
“About being famous? Clearly you’ve forgotten what I said to you in the office this morning.”
“I remember every word,” he counters, fully serious. “That’s why I want to hear what you really think.”
