“My trips are always a secret.”
“Because you’re a spy, I know.”
I grit my teeth. “Liam. You have to stop with that. You know I’m not a spy.”
“Do I know that? At this point, nothing would surprise me about you, Derek.”
“I’m going to hang up now. Ethan’s probably waiting for me to call.”
“Best publicist in the world,” Liam says wistfully. “Good luck with the Shannon fallout! We’re here if you need us.”
After he hangs up, I lie in silence for a moment, letting myself breathe as the night settles over me. Liam says he and Kasey are here for me, but they’ve managed to stay in the honeymoon phase for over a year with no signs of that changing and are obnoxiously obsessed with each other. Bonnie and Hank have only been married for seven months and aren’t much better. Carissa’s baby is due any day now, which means Cole is freaking out and mother-henning—not that I blame him. And with Freya happily holed up in Candora with Elliot, the two of them figuring out how to run a country as a newly married queen and king, I feel…
Drifted. Like an unmoored boat. While the sea is calm, that’s fine, but what happens if things start to churn? How soon before I crash into the rocks on shore?
“Derek?” Hunter asks.
I sit up and run my hands down my face. “What?
“Why don’t you ever tell Liam where you go?”
I wonder how long he’s wanted to ask me that. Years, and the question makes me smile despite everything. “Because he’s happier if I let him think I’m some international super spy.” Going off to learn skills for film roles doesn’t sound nearly as exciting as protecting national security, but more than anything I’ve been hiding behind the facade, as if Liam’s jokes will keep him from seeing the cracks in my armor. I shift in my seat, uncomfortable about how close I am to lying to one of my best friends. Liam deserves better, but I can’t give it to him. “That isn’t what you want to say, though.”
Hunter pulls through the gate at my driveway and doesn’t say anything until he’s parked in the garage. The car is dark, but enough lightcomes from the garage for me to see the worried look on his face as he looks back at me. “Aren’t you tired?”
“I’m exhausted. Shannon—”
“I’m not talking about tonight.”
I sigh, my eyes dropping to the phone in my hands and the million messages waiting for me. My agent, sending me scripts and setting up auditions. My manager, keeping my schedule packed to the brim with interviews and promos—everything I need to be successful. My assistant, who is the only reason I function lately. My friends, hoping I have solutions for their problems because I’m the one who keeps a cool head, no matter the situation. My mom…
I focus on the text that has been sitting in my notifications for three days. I don’t even know how she got my number, but I guess she got tired of trying to get to me through my staff over the last several months. And while I can’t read the whole message without letting her know that I’ve read it, the preview is enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I haven’t spoken to my mother in…ten years now? Maybe more. And now that the truth about Elliot is out there, she’s convinced she and I need to heal our relationship so our family can be complete again.
That won’t—can’t—happen. Not when she’s the one who broke us in the first place when she cheated on my dad with my uncle, leading to their divorce. To her leaving. My dad was barely a father to me after that, and now he has a new family, one that doesn’t remind him of his first wife. He’s happy. My mom can’t change that, no matter how much she wants to.
She left us behind and kept her second child a secret. A brother she never told me about and abandoned before he ever knew her. I’ve come to terms with what she did to me, but what she did to Elliot? He says he doesn’t care, but I do. My whole life, all I’ve wanted was…
My fingers curl into a fist in my lap as I meet Hunter’s gaze again. He’s worked with me long enough that I can’t hide from him like Iused to, and that should worry me. Freya is good at seeing through my acting mask if she tries, and Elliot is too smart for his own good and makes hiding next to impossible, but Hunter might be the only person in existence who truly knows how heavy my life is getting.
“Yeah,” I breathe, closing my eyes and dropping my head back again. “Yeah, I’m tired. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“You could take a break.”
I choke out a humorless laugh. “Good one.”
“I mean it. You don’t have to do this river thing. Just use the time to go somewhere and relax.”
This river thingis the first project I’ve been excited about in a long time. Not only is the script compelling, but it’s so different from what I’ve been doing lately. It’s thought-provoking and heartfelt and will stretch me as an actor. I’ve been looking forward to this research trip for months, though Hunter clearly doesn’t share the sentiment. “Are you saying that because you want to go to a resort?” I ask.
“I always want to go to a resort. But I’m saying it because you can only be perfect for so long before it starts to break you, and you’ve been…well, you’ve been perfect for a long time.”
Sighing, I open my eyes again and look at him. “I’m not perfect, Hunter. You know that.” Hunter has seen me at my worst more than anyone and knows firsthand how flawed I really am.
“I do know that,” he agrees, “but I’m starting to think I’m the only one. You’re allowed to be imperfect, Derek.”
That’s the thing, though.
I’mnotallowed, and I’m not sure I ever will be.
