Grabbing creamer from the fridge, he pours a small amount into one of the mugs and slides it across the counter to me. It looks like he got the ratio just right. But how did he know?
“That last morning on the river,” he explains, answering the question that must be on my face rather than the one I asked out loud. His shrug as he sips from his own mug would drive me nuts if I didn’t desperately love this man.
“You’re unbelievable,” I mutter. “How do you remember that?”
He wordlessly pulls his little notebook from his pocket and sets it on the countertop between us.
I stare at it for three seconds before I can bring myself to look back up at him. I might start crying again. “You wrote down how I like my coffee?”
Again, he’s quiet as I open the notebook, flipping through the pages until my eyes catch on my name in bold at the top of a page in the middle of the book. Most of the page is filled with questions and surface-level observations.What makes her so defensive? What happened to make her so distrustful of my career? She’s confident in almost everything. The other guides follow her lead without hesitation.The next page is more of the same, but both the questions and the observations get deeper.Does anything scare her? Her confidence wavers when she’s talking about herself.His notes about me span several pages, not just facts he learned on the river but things I’ve told him over text or phone calls. Everything from my coffee order to the way I stay pretty lucid when trying to fall asleep until it hits me all at once and I’m out cold.
“I figured you should know about that,” Derek says softly, and there’s actually a nervous quiver in his voice. “In case I’m too much for you and you want some space.”
I scoff, still reading through the notebook. “Is this you trying to scare me off?”
“This is me reminding you that I don’t like to do things halfway. I master skills rather than dabble in them. I study how people tick and take more notes about them than anyone realizes. I put my entire career in jeopardy because I can’t bear to be more than a few hours away from you, even if I can’t bewithyou.”
I look up, and my heart thuds in my chest when I see the sincerity in his expression. “But you were filming.”
He shrugs again, so casual despite what he just told me. “I convinced the studio to move the location to just outside Torrey.”
That’s only an hour from the ranch. “And your interviews and things? You’ve really done themallfrom Solace?”
“I barely lasted a day in LA.”
“And you haven’t been back?”
“I’m braver when you’re around.”
As great as that makes me feel, there’s something he’s not saying, and I furrow my brow as I watch him study the countertop like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. I’m guessing he already knows what I’m going to ask and isn’t keen to answer. “What about your friends, Derek?” His silence speaks volumes, and my jaw drops. “Derek! Have you even talked to them?”
“I can’t,” he admits, finally meeting my eyes again. “I’ve tried, but every time I go to make the call, I choke. I almost ruined their lives because my mom tried to go on a power trip by association with me. If I hadn’t worked so hard to get to the top, Brenda never would have—”
“First of all,” I say sharply, pointing a finger at him, “Brenda isn’t your mom. She gave that up when she put all her shame on a six-year-old’sshoulders. Second of all, you’re not the one who tried to ruin your friends’ lives, and you know it. So do they. If anything, they’re better off for knowing you.”
He sighs heavily. “They’re fine without me.”
“Fine isn’t happy, Derek.” Slipping off the stool, I circle the island to stand in front of him and take his hands. “I was fine this summer, but that didn’t make me miss you any less. It didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you most of the time and wondering if you were okay with your mom still out there. Yeah, your friends are probably fine, but if I was this excited to see you and talk to you face to face after knowing you fora week, I can’t imagine how desperate your friends are to see you. You have to go back.”
He lowers his head until his forehead is against mine, his eyes shut tight. “Donovan.”
“Not just for them, but for yourself. Your life is in California.”
“Only half of it.” He leans back to look at me, so many emotions behind his eyes. “The other half is here with you.”
Sheesh, he really knows how to make a girl blush, and I’m pretty sure I’m in danger of spontaneously combusting. Even at the height of my career, I doubt I ever could have looked at someone the way Derek is looking at me now. Not even on a set as part of a script. At this point, I no longer remember a time when this man wasn’t firmly rooted in my heart.
Pressing my hand to his cheek, I steel my nerves and put every ounce of confidence in my words that I can muster. “Then I’ll come with you.” He’s already shaking his head before I finish talking, so I take his other cheek to hold him in place. “I said I would come to you, Derek. I meant it then, when I thought you were going back to LA, and I mean it now. You need to go back, and I need to be wherever you are.”
“I’m not letting you give up your rivers, Donovan.”
“Good, because I fully plan to be on the oars as soon as May comes around. But until then?” I lean up on my toes and press my lips to his. “I’m all yours, Superman.”
His hands wrap around my waist, holding me in place while he does his best to read my feelings in my face. I’m not going to let it be that easy. Not when he’s silently trying to change my decision. Eventually he gives up trying to see past my mask, and he sighs. “You’re serious.”
“As a Class V.”
“My friends are going to be pissed at me.”
