Feeling like teenagers caught smoking in the graveyard after hours, Leo and I go back up to my room, which is becoming more like our room as the days pass.
Unselfconsciously, we both strip out of our sweaty workout clothes. We stand there, naked in the lamplight, exhausted from the day but growing hard at the sight of one another. I reach out a hand as a peace offering to Leo, which he takes.
I stop up the drain, fill up the tub with water, and dig through my toiletry bag. “I never travel without these. We don’t have a tub at home, so I always hope for one in hotels.” I pour out a little liquid from the tiny bottle and watch as the bubble mountains begin to form.
Leo looks at me with stars in his eyes. Suddenly, the sudsy mounds are filling up my heart, too.
We step in and immediately my muscles relax. We each claim a corner, sinking down into the foam and the bliss and steam billowing up. Leo dunks his head under and when he comes back up, he’s got a pointy bubble hat and a matching beard. “Ho, ho, ho!” he bellows, and I laugh and splash him. So, he splashes me back.
It’s calming, sitting here like this in the silence and slosh. Leo smiles across from me. His hand finds my ankle under the forest of bubbles. He brings my foot to his chest and slowly massages the sole. His hands are strong. I knew that, but I didn’t fully appreciate it until right now.
My eyes close in pleasure. “I’m sorry again for conflating our situations before.” If Annabelle hadn’t interrupted us, I would’ve said it sooner.
“I know you didn’t mean it literally. I understand that feeling,” he says, not stopping the massage for a second. “The werewolf-inside feeling. I had it right after Carter broke it off with me. I still have it sometimes, but most of the time it’s more like a Yorkie. Yappy and annoying, but the worst it’s going to do is tear up the furniture or pee on the carpet. Yours is newer than mine, though. It took me time to tame it, and seeing Carter in the store the other day didn’t help the situation at all. I can only imagine what you must feel being confronted by your ex in a place that you thought was safe from him.”
Leo grabs my other foot and starts in. The kneading of his thumbs is purposeful. “That doesn’t make my heartbreak more important. Just because it’s newer or bigger. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“Holden, someone you loved threatened to blackmail you. Out of character reactions are okay when that happens,” he says, laughing but more to himself. It is ridiculous, hearing it spoken aloud.
“You’re implicated in that blackmail, too,” I point out. “How come you’re not riding this anxiety spiral with me?”
“Because, despite everything, I want to see the good in people.” His gaze is supercharged. That moral thesis explains why he didn’t write me off as some sad sap that first night. It would’ve been easier to make that call and cast me aside. Instead, he stayed. “I think he’ll do the right thing here, even if he’s already done the wrong thing. If that makes any sense.”
“Sort of,” I say, still trying to make heads or tails of the situation myself but feeling a growing pitter-patter for Leo inside my chest. I scoop up a handful of bubbles and blow, letting them go airborne. One by one, they pop. I wish I could get rid of my problems that easily. “I just wish he’d been honest with me tonight. We were together for a long time. I know when he’s holding back. Or, at least I thought I did. Something about this whole scheme of his isn’t adding up. The breakup can’t be the sole reason.”
Leo sets my foot down, so to return the favor and distract my mind a bit, I start in on his. It’s okay if I’m not as good as he is because I can tell by his expression that he appreciates it already. “Maybe he was holding on to some hidden resentments you didn’t know about.”
I ponder this. Part of me believed Buckley wore his annoyance for my quirks on his sleeve, but did he have cards slipped up inside them too that I didn’t know about? I always assumed living with someone meant secrets have nowhere to be stashed. I suppose you can never fully know another person.
Yet, it’s only been a few days, and I feel like Leo’s vulnerable parts have all been laid out for me like the pieces of pre-construction IKEA furniture. I may not be able to pronounce all the names, and I don’t know what all the parts are for just yet, but I’m aware they’re there and that they’re important.
For his care and the comfort his presence brings me, I kiss the side of his foot and then up his smooth calf. He wiggles a bit, probably surprised. The water drips over the edge of the tub. I ignore it. I venture farther north, bodily radar honing in on his perfect lips which crest into a smile.
“Thank you,” I say before giving him a quick kiss. “For going on this wild ride with me.” I snuggle in closer and notice he’s sporting an erection that brushes the inside of my thigh and makes me come alive just the same. His cock is exactly the distraction I need right now.
“Oh, you haven’t experienced how wild this ride can be yet.”
His voice is brushed velvet, his hands are silk, and despite the laws of thermodynamics the bath gets hotter and hotter the longer we stay in.
Even still, hours later—when we’re drained, dried off, and Leo’s fast asleep in the bed beside me—I lie awake unable to shake a rising dread that starts low in my gut, snakes through my sternum, and puts my heart in a choke hold.
Twenty-four hours from now, will I be popping champagne or regretting I ever dared come here?
Twenty-Three
When I hear theMadcap Markettheme song played live by the full band for the first time, my eyes well with tears.
Mom’s not here. I’m leaving Leo tomorrow. Blackmail looms larger by the second.
I don’t know which one of these is bringing on the most tears, but I fight them all back. I can’t cry on camera. There are plenty of them pointed right at me behind the persistent, disorienting glow of the bright lights ready to capture me at my best. I need to leave my worst in the wings.
Leo and I stand behind our Team Eggplant podium in our purple sweatshirts. Jessica and Darla—who magically got cast this go around—are wearing blue, and Buckley and Alexia settled on a salmon pink that washes them both out. It’s petty, but it gives me a smidgen of satisfaction. Especially since their glitter glue additions look like a fourth grader did them.
Leo made good on his promise of a wild ride last night, and it was a fun distraction, but now, faced with my competition, the reality zips back into sharp focus. I have to get my head in the game.
The dread from last night hopped on my back and followed me here. It whispers over and over again: this could all go up in smoke so quickly.
“And now, here’s your host, Paaaaaaat Crumskyyyyy.”
