He groans as he touches his own pale-pink nipples, and I don’t stop as I watch him give himself over to me. An act that can’t be easy, given all he’s told me about his relationship to attraction. I feel special that of all the people in the world, Drew is attracted to me because of our bond, a bond that has transcended the rules of linear time and miraculously grown stronger in the process.
And soon, he’s so uninhibited that he’s hiking his legs up by the knees and asking me to tongue him lower, to open him up and fuck him.
The Drew I left back in 2023 was not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. He read erotica, for God’s sake, but he didn’t often talk much about his own sex life. Maybe there wasn’t much to talk of. Not that it concerned me. Now, I’m starring in it alongside him and noticing how beautiful he looks with sweat dripping down his brow, red hair sticking to his forehead. Gorgeously letting go.
“I’m ready,” he says when I slide my fingers out from the warmth between his legs. “I want it.”
And I let him have it. However he wants. Wherever he wants. Because we only have tonight for certain, and I’m intent on making it count.
Until the countdown starts, the pressure from beneath builds, and Drew’s mouth switches from an “o” to an “O,” unable to say anything else besides, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Fuck, fuck, fuckindeed as he releases and then so I do.
He was right. That did tire me out.
I lie there, panting, reaching to check the time on my phone.
Late. Nearly 3:00 a.m.. How long were we at it? Does it matter?
No. Not when Drew is sitting up beside me, naked, catching his breath and running a towel down his beet-red torso.
“I’m too tired to get up,” I say, legs weak and head woozy.
“So don’t,” he says, planting a kiss on the crown of my sweaty head. “Just stay there.”
He comes back with a damp, cool washcloth, which he uses to clean me off. He pats me dry, pulls the sheets up, and grabs the bowl from the windowsill, where the moon still spotlights the crystals. “Lift your head,” he instructs, placing the crystals one by one beneath my pillow.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, afraid again. Afraid of losing him. Afraid of going back. Afraid of the unknown. I’ve always, always, always been governed by fears. I wish I weren’t, but they clutch tight to me the same way I clutch tight to his forearm right now.
“No,” he says, brushing a hand across my cheek, tracking down to the point of my chin. “I couldn’t do that. I’m going to go make some coffee so I can stay up until you’re asleep. I want to be awake in case anything happens. Is that okay?”
My heavy head nods, and my eyes flutter shut as he pads out of the room.
Once he’s gone, I speak my intentions into the universe, but I don’t fall asleep right away. My head is too busy screening a one-night-only presentation of our time together here as thirty-year-olds. Shots of Milkshake and Drew and the Brooklyn Academy of Music, which maybe I’ll never get to perform at. Maybe I’ll make it there regardless.
There’s no going back after this. Whatever waits for me whenmorning comes is the reality I’ll have to accept. My mind is still at war over where I truly want to be. I never imagined I’d win something so beautiful in this timeline that I’d be scared to lose it, but I have.
Time doesn’t dictate destiny.
Lucille’s mantra becomes a lullaby with a melody so soothing I almost pass out from mental exhaustion, until the mattress ripples again. I open my eyes, just for a second, to see Drew fluffing the pillow and setting his freshly brewed coffee on the bedside table, which smells dark, rich, and heavenly.
He cracks open a book, and at first I think it’s a thriller. Perhaps his next book club pick. But then I notice the pastel colors and the cartoon characters and the large type, and I realize it’s a romance.
Drew’s reading romance again.
The fear of what’s to come fizzles out, and I whisper, “Good night, Drew. I love you.”
He puts his finger to the sentence he’s reading to hold his place, looks down at me, and says, “I love you too, Nolan. Good night and goodbye.”
The last thing I see before I fall asleep is the smile that powers my days, keeps me up at night, and never ceases to buoy me.
PART FIVE
MALACHITE
Unlocking your inner strength
Chapter Thirty-Two
