“Wait, what?” I notice the suitcase again. “Where are you going? If you’re going home, let me come with you. We should talk about this.”
“We just did. Talk about it, I mean.” He pauses only long enough to look back. “I’m going to stay with my cousin for a bit. Take some time to go home and visit my mom. Then, when I’m ready, I’ll come back to the apartment to let you know what I’ve decided.”
“Decided? About what?”
“About whether I’ll stay for another year or not.”
My ears must be deceiving me. “Hold on, you’re considering moving out?”
His nod is grim. “Our lease is up in two months anyway. After tonight, I need my space. I think you might too.”
As the suitcase starts rolling again, my mind sputters and restarts. Suddenly, I see this for what it is. A joke. Drew is playing the ultimate prank. Cruel, maybe, but his commitment is damn near perfect. Laughter, sharp and high-pitched, springs out of me. “Okay, you got me. You can drop the act now.”
“What?” he asks.
“This. You’re joking, right?” It’s a bit garbled because of my unsettled laughter. “You can’t be serious.”
He holds up a fist in front of his mouth, shutting his eyes, cheeks growing redder than I’ve ever seen them. “I wish I wasn’t serious, but at least one of us has to be. I don’t think I can be in love with you right now because I don’t think you have the space in your life to love anything more than comedy. Goodbye, Nolan.”
The thud of the door catalyzes my laughter again. The tears come second. Spilling from my eyes in salty waterfalls. I slink over to the bed, clawing my way up the duvet until my head hits the pillow.Curling up in the fetal position, I lie there like that for a long while. Laughing and crying. Crying and laughing.
The movie Drew had on in the background comes to an end. A familiar eighties song cranks over the credits. For some reason, this only makes me cry harder.
Hours pass, and I accept the fact that I’m going to sleep in my very expensive suit, except sleep never visits me. I can’t stop thinking about how much I gained and how much I lost in the same fell swoop.
The pros and the cons sort themselves into neat lists inside my head. Somehow, even through my tears, the pros seem to win out. The relationships can be mended; the opportunity was once in a lifetime.
It’s selfish to admit, but I’d do it again. Sure, there are changes I’d make, but I wouldn’t take it back entirely. Not for a million bucks.
No matter how spent I am or how tired I feel, the minute I close my eyes I’m met with a greatest hits montage of disapproving looks and harsh words. Propping up the pillows, I fiddle with the remote, channel surfing until I land on QVC, and when a middle-aged woman trying to sell me a foot bath doesn’t hold my attention, I surf away on my thoughts again.
This will blow over. They can’t stay mad at me forever. Everyone needs sleep and time and space and, for one person in particular, a spirited honeymoon to forget this ever even happened.
In another world, another life, they should be ecstatic for me. Tonight (or last night at this point) I might’ve secured a permanent spot at the Broadway Laugh Box. I might’ve even clinched an opportunity to go on the road opening for Clive. Who knows what tomorrow holds for my comedy aspirations?
When the woman with the blond bob on TV gets tapped out by a woman with a brown bob and the foot bath becomes a standingdesk and rolling chair combo, my eyes wander from the screen and land on the goody bag I dropped with a flourish on the nightstand.
What had the weird Doop employee said? All the products were picked out especially for us? I’m not certain why CeeCee thought I needed a dried flower crown. Or is it a wreath? Either way, it’s now on my head, adorning me as the reigning King of Chaos.
As I set aside a blush-pink mug and a botanical serum, I find a small velvet sack with glittery stars all over it. When I undo the tassel and dump the contents into my hand, I find a collection of crystals and a folded-up piece of paper with the color and texture of parchment.
I’m a natural-born skeptic. I don’t believe some hunk of rock can cure you or fix you or change your fate. Though I didn’t believe the Go to Sleep, Bitch candle could cause me to pass the fuck out right away either…
As I unroll the tiny, scroll-like piece of paper, I’m surprised to find that, tonight of all nights, maybe Iwantto believe.
In this collection, you will find clear quartz, black obsidian, hematite, rose quartz, malachite, citrine, and pyrite. These specially shaped crystals were chosen in consort to help the user manifest their ideal future.
Instructions:
Hold the crystals close to your chest.
Set a strong intention.
Visualize the ideal outcome. Speak it into the universe.
Place crystals under your pillow for sleep.
Wake up rejuvenated and ready to start anew.
