“We will never stop loving you,” Mom adds.
“I love you too,” I tell them, certain that this is what healthy progress looks like.
Chapter 40
The WELCOME TO WIND RIVER sign on the horizon looks different through the windshield. All snow-dusted and quaint, it sparks legitimate joy this time around. And when I pass it, my chest swells knowing I’m almost there with a Christmas redo in tow.
A bag full of better-late-than-never gifts rattles around in the otherwise empty trunk. Here I sit, strapped in to the driver’s seat, sunglasses on my face, hands on the wheel. A road trip playlist of pump-up pop tracks blasts from the speakers.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to drive you, Matthew?” Maxim had asked when he dropped Dad’s car off at my new rental apartment.
I told him I was sure, but that I could use some practice before the long drive. After renewing my license at the DMV—talk about ahumblingexperience—we trekked out to New Jersey to circle parking lots, merge onto highways, and not step on the brake erratically anytime a truck got too close.
As I cruise into the hillside sector, I applaud myself for not letting my anxiety talk me out of this. No matter what happens, this is an achievement all on its own.
When I pull up to the cabin, my motivation dulls a dash. There aren’t any cars to be seen. No lights in the windows. I envisioned my return differently—everyone home, fireplace roaring. So much for that.
For a moment, I consider getting back into the car, but then I decide the walk will do me good. Stretch my legs out. I made sure to wear the appropriate shoes this time. I’m learning.
The heavy bag of presents slows me down quite a bit. Eventually, I’m marching toward Moon Beans. Noelle was supposed to be my last stop—a quick latte before heading back to New York—but I make an exception when I see her hard at work through the frosted front window.
I pause in the doorway, sheepish, when I notice she’s serving Natalia at the counter. Their heads snap up simultaneously at the sound of the overhead bell.
Noelle pops her lips. “Look what the cat dragged in.” She twirls her rag, almost tickled at how I’ve arrived on foot to grovel for forgiveness.
“Fair.” I skip the greetings and get straight to the heart of why I’m here. “I’m sorry I ran off without a goodbye. You’ve been such a good friend to me and you didn’t deserve that.” I take a seat next to Natalia and rummage through my bag. “I come bearing gifts. I know that won’t fix everything, but I hope it’s a start.”
Noelle eyes me with skepticism before ultimately taking the impeccably wrapped package. As she tugs off the paper, I turn to Natalia. “Sorry I didn’t bring anything for you.”
She laughs. “I think it would be a little weird if you had. You would’ve needed some serious psychic abilities to know we were going to run into each other today.” Her ease with jokes and soothing voice help me understand what Hector saw in her when they were together. We’re complete opposites, and yet Hector fell for us both. I can only pray he’ll take a chance on me again.
Noelle’s excited scream grabs our attention. “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” Mom came through on supplying me aGame of Dark Dissensionfirst-edition book signed by the entire cast of the TV series, and as a nice gesture, she threw in a promise of two tickets to the premiere of the musical in DC next fall. “Oh, wow. I take back every bad thing I said about you.”
“What bad things did you say about me?” I ask with a playful squint, knowing full well there’s been much worse said about me in much more public ways. But she’s Noelle and this is Wind River and, fuck it, I’m happy to be back, so I let it go. I’m working on lettingall of itgo.
“Nothing, never mind,” she says with a mischievous grin. “Please leave without saying goodbye anytime you want, especially if you’re going to come through with such epic presents.”
“Oh, I almost forgot.” I hand her a smaller bag with a sparkly reindeer on the side, overstuffed with tissue paper. “Open this too.”
Inside, she finds a Christmas-inspired latte art beginner’s kit, stencils and all.
She licks her front teeth, fighting off a smile. “I hate you, Matthew Prince.” But I know she means the opposite when she reaches across the counter and wraps me in a bear hug. “You are forgiven.”
I release a sigh of relief. “If only it will be this easy with the others. Speaking of, they weren’t at home.”
“They’re at Lorna’s store,” Natalia chimes in. “I was with Hector yesterday—notlike that,” she adds, anticipating a reaction out of me. “He needed a friend, and while we were together, he got a text from Lorna saying a huge anonymous donation was made to the SBA. They had just started prepping for a closing sale, but now they’ve gotta get everything back where they found it.”
I smile to myself. Armed with that knowledge, I thank her, leave Noelle to her gifts, and forge onward.
When I arrive, Grandma’s at the window of her shop taking down a barely used GOING OUT OF BUSINESS sign. My heart flutters seeing her light up at the sight of me. “Matthew!” she calls excitedly from the other side of the glass.
The inside of the store is more barren. Books were beginning to be boxed up. Price guides had been pulled down. Maybe that was a good thing. Grandma could use some updates, and the money I wired is enough to foot the bill for plenty of them.
I won’t tell her that though. She may assume. That’s fine. I don’t want anyone to feel indebted to me for something I wanted to do more than anything. Grandma and Gramps deserve millions of emotional dollars for putting up with me all these years. This year especially. A lump-sum donation is the least I could do.
Gramps grabs me and pulls me close, hugging me like he missed me. “What a surprise. Welcome back, Matthew.” He eyes the bag. “What’s all this?”
“Belated Christmas gifts,” I say right as I lock eyes with a hesitant Hector coming out from behind the stacks.
