1: a cutting technique in which leafy greens or herbs are stacked, rolled tightly, and sliced into fine ribbons.
2: i didn’t know a heart could be shredded like this until he showed me how it’s done.
The tears mix with the rain on my face as I stand there and laugh up at the sky. I’m soaked through to the bone, cold in ways I’ve never been cold before. But if my phone didn’t ring just then, I probably would’ve stood there forever. The heat death of the universe would’ve found me on this exact spot of pavement, arms outstretched, staring up at clouds that don’t know I exist and wouldn’t care if they did.
My phone does ring, though. And for one stupid, hopeful second, my heart leaps.Bastian.
I fumble the clutch open with shaking fingers and yank out my phone, squinting at the screen through the rain and my failing vision.
But it’s not Bastian’s name on the display.
It’s… Sage?
I squint at it for a moment, confused, sure I’m seeing things wrong. Why would Sage be phoning me? We’ve hung out a few times when I’ve been at Bastian’s place, sure, but we don’t exactly have a calling-each-other relationship.
And yet the phone keeps vibrating in my palm.
I swipe to answer and press the phone to my ear. “Sage?”
His voice comes through frantic and breathless, tripping over his syllables in his haste to get them out. “Eliana, thank God. I need your help. It’s Bastian— Something’s wrong with Bastian and I don’t know what to do.”
I press the phone harder against my ear. It’s a struggle to hear him over the pouring rain. “Sage, sweetheart, slow down. What’s going on?”
“He locked me in my room!” he cries out. “He just— He came home and he wasn’t right, Eliana. Something’s wrong with him. He looked like— I don’t even know. He looked right through me. Like he wasn’t even there anymore.”
“Did he say?—?”
“No!” he interrupts. “He didn’t fucking say anything! He just— Goddammit, I don’t know! He just locked me in here and left, and I was screaming his name but he didn’t come back, and then I heard the front door open, so he must be gone, but I’m still stuck in here.”
“Where is he now?”
“I don’t know! He wouldn’t talk to me or explain a goddamn thing. Just shoved me in here and locked the fucking door.” I hear something bang. It sounds like Sage hitting the door as hard as he can. “I’ve been trying to call him, but he’s not answering, and I’m scared he’s going to do something stupid.”
“Okay, okay. I’m coming over. I’ll?—”
“No!” Sage’s shout makes me flinch. “Go find Bastian! He’s about to do something bad. Or maybe he already did, I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.”
My hands shake as I grip the phone. “What do you mean? What kind of bad?”
“I don’t know!” The panic in his voice mirrors the panic rising in my chest.
“Okay. Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll go find him. Just—just keep your phone close, okay?”
“Alright.”WHAM. “I’m gonna try to get out of here. I’ll— I’ll wait for you to call me.”
I say goodbye and hang up.
I stand there for another minute with the phone still pressed to my ear even though the line’s gone dead. The rain is coming down harder than ever, turning the sidewalk into a river that runs past my ankles. My dress clings to every curve of my body, heavy and cold. I can feel my mascara tracking down my cheeks in thick lines. All that careful work Mama and Yasmin did, dissolving.
I should go inside. Change into dry clothes. Call Yasmin, maybe. Or my mother.
Instead, I start walking.
I don’t know where I’m going. I just know I can’t stand still anymore. My body needs to move or it’s going to shake itself apart.
The sidewalk is uneven under my feet. I falter once and catch myself against a parking meter. My palm comes away wet and gritty. I wipe it on my dress without thinking, leaving a dark smear across the burgundy velvet.
Something’s wrong with Bastian.
