I open my mouth to say,Duh, yes, of course I’m fine, but what comes out instead is a choked little laugh that sounds dangerously close to a sob. “I don’t know. Maybe? I just… I don’t know what I’m doing, Yas.”
Zeke turns down the heat on whatever he’s sautéing and leans against the counter. His smirk has faded into something a touch more serious. “With Bastian?”
“Witheverything.” I take a shaky breath. “I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment. My vision’s getting worse. Work is a dumpster fire. My mom’s got some new deadbeat boyfriend who gives me the creeps. And now, Bastian’s being allBastian-yabout things, and I don’t know if we’re just messing around, or if this is something real, or if I’m just setting myself up to get my heart broken in eighty-two days when everything goes dark anyway.”
The kitchen falls silent except for the soft sizzle of garlic and olive oil.
Then Yasmin pulls me into a fierce hug. “You know I love you to pieces, El, right? It’s all gonna be fine. I won’t let him hurt you.”
Zeke rounds the counter and pats me on the shoulder. “I can fillet a whole fish in sixty seconds flat. If Bash does anything cruel, I’ll have his guts in your mailbox in no time, alright?”
I snort a teary laugh. “Reassuring. Thanks, Zeke.”
Yasmin squeezes me hard enough to crack bones, then holds me at arm’s length. “The important thing—well, the important things,plural—is one, not to wallow, and two, decide what you want out of this. What do youwant,El? Forget everything else, all that stuff you just mentioned.You.What doyouwant?”
I scour around for an easy answer. “To eat Zeke’s apology noodles in peace?”
“Not what I meant, and you know it.”
The scent of ginger, garlic, and chili oil curls through the air as Zeke plates the food. “Bash’s got some issues around letting people in,” he explains. “But you already knew that.”
Yasmin swats him. “Offer helpful context or GTFO, dude.”
“I’m getting there, I promise. So. After his brother’s accident, Bash went full fortress mode. Kept everyone at arm’s length. But you?” Zeke points his spatula at me. “You’re the first person he’s thrown ropes to since me. The guy is terrified of you, in the best possible way.”
“Terrified? Bastian?” I scoff. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Oh, how wrong you are,chiquita. With you, he’s adrift. Unmoored.” Zeke slides a steaming bowl in front of me. “On a regular day, run-of-the-mill humans scare him. And you, my friend, are far from run-of-the-mill. You’re basically a Category 5 hurricane in kitten heels.”
Yasmin turns to me again. “So therein lies the rub. Do you wanna be the girl who makes Bastian Hale feel things? Or the one who walks away before he burns you?”
The garlic burns my tongue as I chew too fast. “What if I want to be neither?”
Zeke laughs. “Not how hurricanes work, sweetheart.”
“Our metaphors are getting really mixed here,” I mumble.
I chew another bite of noodles. The heat and spice ground me. Zeke’s food really is incredible—perfectly balanced, the kind of thing that makes you forget your problems for just a moment.
But only a moment.
“I don’t know what I want,” I admit finally. “That’s the problem. Part of me thinks I should just enjoy whatever this is while it lasts. I’ve got eighty-two days left to see the world, right? Why not spend some of them with someone who makes me feel happy?”
“And the other part?” Yasmin prompts gently.
“The other part knows that Bastian Hale is a human wrecking ball, and getting too close means I’m gonna get demolished.” I push the noodles around my bowl. “Plus, there’s the whole boss-employee thing, which is a lawsuit waiting to happen. And the fact that I’m literally going blind. And that he’s emotionally unavailable on a level that would make Freud weep.”
“So basically,” Zeke concludes, twirling his fork, “you’re fucked either way.”
“Eloquent as always,” Yasmin mutters.
He shrugs. “Just calling it like I see it.” Then he levels me with a surprisingly serious look. “Ultimately, we can advise, but we can’t decide for you. So what’s it gonna be? You gonna hop off the Bastian train? Or are you gonna see just how far it can take you?”
35
ELIANA
apéritif /??per?'tef/: noun
