“But…”
And here comes thebut. The biggest one of them all, the one that’s been torturing me ever since I closed the door on Bastian’s retreating figure.
“But Sage didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just a kid, and if Aleksei hurts him because Bastian asked me for help and I said no…”
“Stop.” Yasmin cuts through my spiraling thoughts. “You are not responsible for what happens to Sage. You are not responsible for Bastian’s family drama or his criminal brother or any of it. You’ve been through enough.”
I press my hand against my stomach.
“And you’re pregnant,” Yasmin adds when she sees the gesture. “Withyourbaby, El. Not his.Yours. That baby deserves a mother who doesn’t throw herself into the path of oncoming trains just because some asshole shows up with a might-not-even-be-true sob story about his brother.”
I just sniffle.
“You need to think about stability,” she advises. “A safe place to live, prenatal care—that’s the kind of thing that deserves your attention. You’re building a life that does not and cannot involve dead mobsters or fake funerals or violent men who ask you to risk everything for them.”
Stability. Right. As if that’s something I’ve ever actually achieved in my entire goddamn life.
But maybe that’s the point.
Maybe this baby—this tiny, gummy-bear-sized presence that I can barely wrap my head around—is my chance to build something that doesn’t collapse the moment I look away.
Except…
Except…
Except I can’t stop seeing Sage’s face.
Eight years old and stuck in a wheelchair because Bastian was driving. Sixteen now and held hostage by a murderous psychopath.
I think back to being sixteen myself. Mom would bring home another Derek, and I’d lie awake listening to their voices through thin walls, wondering if this one would be different. They never, ever were—but did that stop me from hoping?
No. No, it did not.
At least I could run, though. When things got bad enough, I could grab my backpack and crash at a friend’s or sleep on the El or justleave. Sage doesn’t have that option. He’s stuck—literally, physically stuck—wherever Aleksei decides to put him.
I feel sick.
“Elly?” Yasmin’s voice pulls me back. “You still with me?”
“Yeah,” I lie.
But I’m not. I’m somewhere else entirely, watching a kid in a wheelchair who can’t possibly understand why his brother abandoned him. Sage is probably terrified right now, wondering if Bastian is coming back or if he’s been left behind like their mother left them both.
“What are you thinking?” Yasmin asks. I can hear the wariness in her voice. She knows me too well.
“I’m thinking…” I pause, trying to find words that won’t make her lose her mind. “I’m thinking about what it feels like to be sixteen and scared and stuck with people who don’t give a shit about you.”
“Jesus, Eliana?—”
“Sage has already lost so much. His mobility, his childhood. And now, Bastian, too, in a way. Because even if Bastian gets him back, the brother Sage knew doesn’t exist anymore.”
Yasmin’s arms loosen around me. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Bullshit. I can hear it in your voice. You’re already making excuses for him.”
“I’m not making excuses forBastian,” I insist. “Really, I mean that. I still hate him. He’s a manipulative asshole who deserves every terrible thing that’s coming to him. But Sage…”
